Before I start this, I need to stress, I am not looking for reassurance or anything. So please don't feel the need to give me any. This isn't what this post is about. This is just about me venting.
That said, today has certainly been an interesting day. It started off on the right foot and everything. I was in a good mood. And then something changed. Sometime late this morning, I found I was having a pity party for myself. I was really feeling down about myself and I don't know why. I mean, it's a natural thing to happen. But it was just so sudden and out of the blue. And I felt like this the rest of the day. I still have a little residual bit left, but not like I did before. I know I have insecurities and I think I keep a somewhat good handle on them most of the time, but I must have let up without realizing it and all that baggage came pouring down on me. I'm not going to go into specifics or anything, but it just feels good expressing my feelings.
You know what's odd? While I was walking home tonight from work, a Spandau Ballet song came on my iPod, totally at random. When I'm feeling down and having a pity party, there's something about hearing Spandau Ballet that's very comforting to me. Seriously. I think it's Tony Hadley's voice. I told you it was going to sound retarded.
I've spent way more time online this week than I planned. On Monday night we recorded the second Dial "H" For Homo show. I was way less nervous this time, but still had a little trouble speaking up. Part of it wasn't my fault because we veered off on the topic of gaming, which I don't partake in. I'm going to do better next week. I'm getting a feel for the dynamic of the show now. It took a few episodes of WMBYS to find my rhythm.
Tuesday night we recorded WMBYS. That was way fun, like always. After we're done, I'm sure it was our worst show ever and then Nessa gets out her magic editing tools and turns the shit into diamonds. I'm sure she'll do it again with this one.
Tonight I was going to get caught up on blogs and stuff and instead I was on Archerr's group shows for Thursday and Friday. And I had a really, really good time. It wasn't a complete Skype shit sammy like the last time.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to avoid the interwebs when I get home from work. I need a break from the computer. It's becoming a problem.
I promise that shortly I will update the listing of podcasts and blogs that I enjoy over on the sidebar of this page. It's getting way out of date again. I know it, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it tonight.
5 comments:
I know I'm not supposed to feel the need to give you reassurance, or anything...but just FYI, you're fabulous, and I love you bunches. So there, you're not the boss of me! I'll do what the hell I want!
We did have a good time, didn't we? Although I cannot believe I was going on and on about God like that -- somewhere, my mother the amateur theologian is smiling down on me!
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I wish I could explain my own weird mood swings away, too. Sometimes, it just happens.
I hope the Dial H thing is just you finding your feet. I'd hate to think it was, you know, my loud mouth (or Taylor's, or Michael's...) keeping you from butting in. :-)
You know why you suddenly felt bad? Because I was sending you the evil bad mojo hex-eye for not replying to my message on Facebook about Skype. *evil*
I'm kidding, Walt. :( I'm not that mean. I love Spandau Ballet, too. Does that make me retarded? Certain songs/music totally affect me so I understand how you feel.
Oh God Eric, no one is keeping me from anything. As you know, I'm socially retarded and it takes me a little longer than most to fit in. I'm definitely just finding my place in the group. Insecurities and shyness issues both suck and I'm always working on improving myself. Don't worry about me, you cute boy. By issue 5 you won't be able to get a word in edgewise because I won't be able to shut my piehole. (Unless the topic is games, natch!)
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