The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

This is me.  Others may see me differently because they want to or because I show them someone else, but this is me.  I apologize for none of it.

1)  I like to swear.  Specifically, I like to say the word "fuck."  I say it a lot.  I notice that I keep it under control (mostly) at work, but at home or when I'm with friends, it's my favorite word.  I really should tone it down a little bit because sometimes I say it just for the sake of saying it.  Should.  Probably won't.

2) I'm easily defeated.  I hate that about me.  For example, my feet are killing me again and it's keeping me from my gym routine.  I need to see the doctor sooner rather than later about it.  But until I do, I find myself wallowing in self pity about it.  I find myself saying "Why does everything bad always have to happen to me?" to myself a lot.  I know how ridiculous it can be, but when I get caught up in the middle of a pity party, it's hard to see straight.

3) I am obsessed with toys.  The obsession comes and goes (like all things), but right now it's here and it's pretty strong.  Over the Christmas holiday, I made quite a few trips out tracking down certain toys that I wanted for my collection.  Today was no different.  I'm starting to run out of room for all the stuff I want and that's not good.  My collection of toys is housed in my comics room, which is nearly 1/2 the size of the first floor of my house.  In the last house, my comics room was a smallish room that was, I believe, 12' x 12'.  That room could fit in this room many times over, yet I fit everything in there without a problem.  

4) I try to be true to myself, but I'm not sure I always am.  It's a fine line between trying to expand your horizons and trying to please others.  I find that I do a lot of things that I'm not comfortable with under the guise of "expanding my horizons" when in fact it's not.  It's more doing it to please others.  Sometimes it's easier because if you know anything about me, it's that I'm a very non-confrontational person.  I'd almost rather do something I don't want to than to argue about it.  I try to work on this aspect of myself all the time, but it's hard.  I want to do the right things, but for the right reasons.  

5) People often talk about how they get caught in a YouTube hole.  It's when they go to YouTube to look at a video of something and that leads them to another and then another and before you know it,  you've spent two hours doing nothing but looking at videos.  I don't have this problem.  After three or four videos, I'm usually done.  My problem, however, is Wikipedia.  That place is dangerous for me, because I'll go to look one little thing up and before I know it, the entire evening is gone.  I love it, though.  I fill up on so much useless knowledge reading pages there.  

6) I'm pretty bad relationship material.  I really am.  I like spending lots of time by myself.  Lots of time.  I sometimes look at my single friends and feel a little bit of jealousy because they have all the time in the world to themselves if they want it, but at the same time, I'm sure many of them look at me and think just the opposite.  Back when I worked in retail, things were much different.  Ken and I worked different schedules (him the standard 9 to 5, me working a lot of nights) and so we developed certain patterns.  I had a lot more solo time back then.  I would sleep until he left for work, get up and do my own thing until it was time for me to go to work.  I'd get home late and we'd spend a little time together before bedtime.  I had Thursdays off and I loved it.  We'd only ever get one day off a week together and we'd do things together then.  When I left retail and started my office job, our schedules lined up and suddenly we were both home together at the same time all the time.  I lost my solitude and it affected me more than I thought it would.  Five years later and we're still trying to figure things out.  Every once in a while I take a day off from work just to have some "me" time.  It almost always fails on me.  The last time I did it, Ken called and called and called and called all day long.  It kind of drove me batty.  So I left the house and went out to lunch, something I never, ever do.  I wanted to treat myself.  It was only Panera, but still.  Just as I got my lunch, my phone rang.  I spent my entire lunch on the phone and it kind of bothered me.  It's pure selfishness on my part.  I acknowledge that fully.  But still.  When I want some "me" time, I want some "me" time.  That means JUST ME.  Ken deserves better.

7)  I may be a bad gay.  As a gay man, I could probably be more supportive of my community.  But as a man, I don't give enough of a shit.  There are more than enough gays out there who do nothing but listen to gay singers and watch gay movies and eat at gay owned restaurants and wear clothes made by gay designers to balance me out.  It just seems too ghettoizing to live my life like that.  Sure, I'm gay, but being gay is only one small part of me.  I'm also blue-eyed.  I'm not going to buy a book by a writer just because he has blue eyes.  I have epilepsy.  I'm not going to buy a cd by a new singer/songwriter just because she has a seizure condition.  I'm going to do these things because I hear they're good and might appeal to me.  Ken likes to watch Logo.  I'll be in the living room with him when he's watching sometimes and some of the shit they show on that channel embarrasses the hell out of me.  Just because it's gay doesn't mean it's good.  

8) On a related subject, I fail to find the appeal of (most) drag queens.  Sure, I love RuPaul.  Love everything about her, but in general, I just don't like drag queens.  I don't find them entertaining.  I find them kind of embarrassing, actually.  

9)  When it comes to showtunes, I'm very schizophrenic.  I really don't like Broadway musicals at all.  But I do like an old movie musical.  Showtunes are fine depending on who is performing them.  I love listening to old recordings of them from the 40s and 50s.  There's something about those old recordings that speak to me.  Current Broadway tunes I find very cheesy and unappealing and uninspired.  It's all personal opinion and taste, so if you're a big Broadway fan, good for you.

10) I love my friends.  I really do.  I have some of the most amazing friends a man could ever hope to have.  I don't think I tell any of them enough how important they are to me.  I think it's all in part a big defense mechanism I spent years building while growing up.   We moved around a lot when I was growing up.  There were many years when I would go to two or sometimes three different schools all in the same year because we would move.  It seemed like just as I was starting to make friends and connect with people, we'd move and I'd lose those people.  As time went on, I think I started holding back more and more.  Why bother to get close to anyone if I was only going to lose them.  I think these "coping skills" are the basis of my social anxieties, too.  I would put good money down that this is where my social awkwardness began.  Anyway, as I was saying, I have the greatest bunch of people in my life right now and I need to work harder on showing my appreciation to them all.  

11) I'm so happy the holidays are winding down.  I really don't like this time of the year.  It's been a really long time since I've really, truly enjoyed the holidays.  One thing overshadows the holidays for me and that's obligation.  There are so many things you're obliged to do during this time of the year that it takes all the joy out of it for me.  Obligation is probably my single least favorite word in the entire English language.  It's a word that comes with a heavy ball and chain attached.  A very heavy ball and chain.

12) There isn't a day that goes by that I don't freak out a little bit about money.  I don't know why I'm convinced I'm going to die homeless and penniless, but I am.  It's gotten worse since we bought the new house.  Our mortgage went up considerably and that drove my anxiety up with it.  We don't have any problems keeping up with bills.  We have accrued a little bit of debt since buying the house, but that was to be expected.  And it's not like we've never had any debt before.  We were swimming in it for years before we got things in order.  I think what scares me a little bit is we spent the last two or three years wiping out all of our credit card debt.  We succeeded in ridding ourselves of it last year.  And then it was time to sell the old house.  In order to do that, we had to do quite a bit of work to get it in the condition we wanted it to be to get the price we wanted.  Work isn't free and we ran up a little bit of debt.  But that was wiped clean again.  Once we moved into this place, the expenses to get the place where we wanted it started to pile up. We have a little bit of debt again, but it's debt that we can easily make go away again.  Until the next batch of expenses pop up, that is. 

Snow

Like I mentioned yesterday, we got hit with the big snow storm that worked it's way up the east coast this weekend. It flurried on and off all day yesterday, but the real snow didn't start until overnight last night. I got up at 5:20 this morning to find nearly a foot of snow in my driveway. I debated what to do and decided to go out and shovel and then see how I felt. I think if I had to shovel any more than I did, my sciatic nerve would be screaming bloody murder right now. When I finished, it was burning just slightly and kept it up all day today.

I don't know why I went into work today. I really don't. Ninety percent of the office was out with only the usual suspects showing up. The ones that should have taken the day off. My street was plowed and easy to travel this morning, so I figured the rest of the roads would be the same. But I was wrong. The main road I travel was horrible. I should have just turned around there and gone back to bed, but I didn't.

The best part about days like these is the office is deathly quiet. That usually means time drags, but not today. It was over and done with before I realized it.

I've been putzing around on the computer since I got home and it's time I got offline. Ken turned his game (WoW) off and I suppose I should go spend some time with him (even though he called me about 23 times today. Even for him that's beyond excessive.)

It's Over!

Christmas, that is.  I was very nervous about Christmas this year.  I insisted that Ken and I host our families this year.  It was the first time and I was a little freaked out that things were going to explode in my face.  It's been a long time since Ken's mother and my parents have been together.  I wasn't very worried about that since they've gotten along wonderfully the few times that they've met.  I was worried about my mother and Christmas in general.  This is the very first year that she hasn't had to cook the full Christmas dinner.  In fact, this is the first year she hasn't had to lift a finger.  That worries me a little because she's got control issues.  She'll never admit to it, but it's either her way or no way.  And because she's got control issues, she couldn't not come loaded up with food.  I told her I would take care of everything, but she still arrived with cookies, cookies and more cookies, three kinds of breads, a platter of deviled eggs, brownies...... The list goes on.  

But my fears were put to bed fairly early in the day.  Considering I had no clue what I was doing in the kitchen, my first full-family Christmas dinner turned out a hit.  My turkey was moist and delicious (I have a tendency to make a dry bird), the potatoes (mashed white and mashed sweet) were the best I've ever done.  I made three different pies (two by scratch, one by a box mix that Ken was going to make) and they were all great.  Everything hit the table hot, which was a miracle.  My only mess ups were 1) I mistimed how long it would take to make the rolls.  They came out of the oven half way through dinner, 2) I undercooked the peas and 3) I made too much food.  So much that the broccoli casserole never made it to the table.

Ken, bless his heart, really tried to help.  He really did.  He knows that when I've got a lot going on, he needs to back the fuck away and let me get things done.  And he told me he was going to do this while I was cooking.  Only he was underfoot more than the cats are when they're needy.  I wanted to lock him outside until dinner was done.  He didn't really mean to get in the way, he just continually ended up there.

Our original plan was to exchange gifts and then eat, but my folks got lost on the way here and were late.  But that was fine.  I think my plan was a little off anyway.  I spent most of what would have been gift time in the kitchen anyway.

As for loot, I didn't do as well as I have in the past, but I still did pretty damn good.  From Ken I got a new external hard drive.  A 2 TB drive.  I already have a 1 TB drive, but it's nearly full (as is my desktop's internal) and I want the new one to get some stuff off the desktop.  As I type this, I have pictures being copied onto the new external.  Exciting, huh?  My family got me a couple of action figures I wanted, a Doctor Who dvd and the Batman Lego Wii game.  My sister also got me this:

I nearly peed myself from laughter.  Just before Christmas, I got a surprise package from Amazon.com.  A couple of Green Lantern books from my wishlist showed up at the house.  I want to send off a super special thank you to Santa's hottest elf for making that happen.  xoxoxo

I took Christmas Eve off from work to get the house in shape for Christmas day.  I spent the day cooking and cleaning and busting my hump.  I had to run out to the supermarket because I bought a wrong ingredient for my pumpkin pie.  Condensed milk and Evaporated milk are apparently two completely different things.  I'm glad I noticed this before I mixed the ingredients together.  The supermarket was a nightmare.  There's one thing that I hate when shopping more than anything and that's people who won't get out of my way.  I especially hate it when I have a mission and I know where to go to get what I want, but I can't get there.  The supermarket was overrun with people, too.  I've never been able to understand waiting until the last possible moment to do Christmas shopping, whether it's gifts or dinner supplies.

Christmas Eve evening I got a special treat.  I got to watch my nephews open the presents I got them via Skype.  That made my whole night.  It really did.  What's upsetting me about it now is the game I got for Christmas is the same game I got Adrian and I'm afraid he's going to kick my ass at it in a big way.  I spent quite a while getting through the first level today (going so far as to look online for help hints.)  My eye/hand coordination just isn't what it used to be.  I'm going to need practice.

I wanted to go to the gym today to work off some of the fatness I put on eating non-stop these last couple days.  I didn't because I think I messed up my feet again.  They're hurting again and I think it's because I've been overdoing it.  My plan is to just go every other day.  Let my feet rest in between workouts.  Last week I went every single day and worked my ass off.  My good intentions are going to force me to stay away from the gym.  Now that the holidays are winding down, I need to start thinking about setting up that appointment with the orthopedist.  Not that I really want to, but I have to.

Tonight we have snow moving in and the weathermen still seem a little non-committal about how much we're getting, but it's looking like it's going to be 7 to 12 inches.  We're not getting as much as everyone else, it seems, but it's still enough.  I plan on going in to work tomorrow, but if we get enough snow, I just may decide not to.  Ken just yelled down to me that they're warning of potential power outages because of the weather.  That would definitely help make up my mind tomorrow about work.  We'll see.

Merry Christmas

Fairytale Of New York

Spooky Christmas

Me

Well, that's the subject of 99% of my posts.  Big surprise.

So it's been a while since I've had a proper chance to post anything here.  The month of December has gotten away from me and left me little time to get to do everything I want to.  I was gone for a week or so at the begging of the month and then have been trying to get ready for Christmas.  This year, for the first time, I'm hosting it at my house.  I've got a beautiful new home and I want to show it off a bit.  My parents and sister are coming, as well as Ken's step-mother.  I'm kind of excited and petrified to be doing this.  I'm not much of a cook (though I try) and I've never tried cooking for more than three people before.  I think I have everything I need for Christmas day, though I'm sure I'll remember something while I'm doing prep work on Christmas Eve.  I need to find out how late the grocery store is open on Friday.

The beginning of the month we spent on a cruise to the Caribbean again.  This is the second year in a row we've done it and I have to say it was spectacular.  It all turned out to be much better than the weeks leading up to it.  Ken and I have a couple of big fights about everything about the cruise.  I felt he was overplanning and overbooking things and I was freaking out.  All he would talk about for months and months leading up to the cruise was the cruise and I was feeling burned out over it and it hadn't even arrived.  This year we did things a little differently.  We traveled with friends.  The original plan was to go on the cruise with two couples we know, but one ended up backing out.  We made up for it by meeting a bunch of cool people on board.  This was really a different experience for us because on the last cruise, Ken was determined to go to a couple social events and meet up with people he'd met online, but he chickened out at the last minute.  Having another couple with us definitely helped us go through with it this year.  And I'm really glad.  We met a bunch of people we wouldn't have talked to otherwise.  There was one couple that Ken had met on one of this chat boards that he wanted to meet, but they never showed up to any of our Happy Hours.  On the last day, we were talking to one of the guys we met and the names of the people came up that Ken wanted to meet.  Doug said he saw them and gave a quick description.  It turned out these guys were a couple we saw all the time, every single day.  They ended up being a little too afraid to approach anyone, much like Ken and I last year. We ran into them late on the last night of the cruise and Ken made a point of introducing himself.  It's too bad we found them so late.  They seemed really nice.  

The weather on the cruise was great, though not as good as it was last year.  We arrived in Miami the day before the cruise and I had no desire to change into shorts.  In fact, I wished I didn't leave my coat in the car at the airport.  It was chilly.  The first day at sea was a little chillier than I would have liked, but the further south we got, the warmer it got and I got my chance to lay out in the sun.  The next to last day we had some pretty crappy weather, but otherwise, I have no complaints.

I tried watching what I ate this time around, and I think I did an okay job.  I could have done much better, but I could have done much worse.  I ate a lot of salads, fruits and vegetables.  Naturally I had dessert, too, but I tried not to over do it.  My downfall every night was dinner.  There was more bread at the table than I knew what to do with.  Bread is a HUGE weakness for me.  If I avoided the bread, I probably would have felt much better about how I ate all week.

To counter balance all the bread, I made it my number one priority to hit the gym each day on vacation.  Just a little background first.  As I've mentioned previously, I fucked my feet up overdoing things on the treadmill.  While I still haven't made it to the doctor (I will, I will, I promise), it was pretty clear I needed to stay clear of the treadmill to give my feet time to heal.  The elliptical is something that I could do that has minimal impact on my feet, so I set my mind of attempting it.  Because I'm a bit of an uncoordinated oaf, I didn't want to try the elliptical when there were a lot of people around.  I went the day after Thanksgiving and found the gym pretty empty, so I tried it then for the first time.  I found it pretty easy to keep my coordination, only I didn't realize how tough the machine was going to be for someone who has never tried it before.  I was ready to quit at 8 minutes, but I pushed through to 20 minutes.  I think my big problem was setting the level much higher than I could actually do.  I went back two days later determined to make the machine feel bad for making me feel bad.  This time, though, I was ready to quit at 4 minutes.  But I pushed through that.  I was determined to at least hit the 20 minutes I hit the previous visit.  And I did.  And I pushed though that making it a full 50 minutes.  And that was all the time I had pre-vacation for working out.  So the first morning on the ship, I found the gym, hopped on and only did 35 minutes.  The machines all had signs on them that said to please limit your time to 20 minutes.  So I cheated a little.  I went back that evening and did a little bit more.  I hit the gym every day on vacation, most days hitting it twice and most visits doing 65 minutes a pop.  I still have a little bit of awkwardness on the machine from time to time, but I really got the hang of it.  My gym here at home doesn't have too many machines, but I've been lucky enough to snag one every time I've been since vacation has ended.  The gym is moving in February to a new, bigger location and I hope that means more machines.  

Even though I've been pretty active lately, my weight is just a little higher than I want it to be.  I'm pretty convinced that I'm building new muscle though.  My fupa doesn't feel nearly as big as it should considering what I'm seeing on the scale and I'm feeling different muscles in my legs now that I didn't know existed.  In fact, for the first half of the cruise, I had trouble walking down stairs because of these formerly dormant muscles.  It's true.  Even now I really feel things when walking up or down stairs.  I need to get back doing the 30 Day Workout on the Wii again.  

Today I was off from work.  I had a cleaning scheduled for the dentist.  I went in with a decent attitude and left depressed as hell.  I need to get some dental work done and it's not that it was a surprise, but it just kind of felt (financially) overwhelming.  I had a tooth crowned two years ago that has been bothering me ever since.  It needs a root canal and I've been putting it off.  That needs to be done sooner rather than later.  Also, I have two other teeth that need crowns.  Just the thought of the portion of this that insurance isn't going to cover is making me ill.  And it didn't help that the endodontist my dentist referred me to said that they don't deal with insurance AT ALL.  It's the amount due up front and then I can try to reclaim from insurance.  That kind of set me off.  I feel like we've been spending way too much money lately and it scares me.  I feel like we're starting to build up debt after digging ourselves out from under it completely.  I always getting weird when it comes to finances.  I'm always convinced we're going to end up homeless and penniless and living in a cardboard box.

And speaking of running up debt, Ken and I were out shopping tonight and we ran into our old next door neighbor at the mall.  He filled us in on what was going on at our old house.  I already knew some of it, but not all of it.  The couple that bought our house (last day of April) broke up in August after one last huge fight.  Initially she moved out and he stayed.  He said she's planning on buying out his share of the house and moving back in with roommates.  In the meantime, he's moved out and the house is unoccupied.  I can't even imagine.  If your relationship is fragile enough that you're on the verge of breaking up a couple months later, why do you buy a house together?  Personally, I don't care.  They bought my old house, which enabled me to buy my new one.  But still.

I know I had other (just as uninteresting) topics on the brain, but my brain is shutting down and I think I need to go to bed.  In the next few days, I hope to post some pictures here from vacation.  And in case I just don't find any time later this week, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone (anyone?) reading this drivel.

Ack!

December is half over and I've missed most of it.  Just got home from the fabulous cruise of the Caribbean and am now scrambling to get ready for Christmas.  I did a ton of shopping tonight after work, but there's so many other things I need to do.  No time for the gym, no time to goof off.  No time to sleep!  More to come....

Tuesday

I'm beat.  It seems like I'm always beat.  I need to learn to go to bed early enough so that I'm not dragging my ass.

I can't believe it's only days until my next vacation.  I'm in desperate need of one.  I'm hoping I can recharge my batteries.  I've been pretty miserable lately and I don't know why.  I realize that most of what I'm feeling is my own doing.  I let people get under my skin and that gives them the power to make me feel bad about myself.  As if I need any help in that department.  Also, Ken and I have been having some pretty big disagreements.  We're never like this.  Ever.  And it's pretty big for us.  Again, I know a lot of it is on my end, but some of it isn't.  We haven't been seeing eye to eye on a bunch of stuff and rather than just go with the flow like I usually do, I've kind of been a bitch about things.  I hope this vacation is what I need to help push me back in the right direction mentally.  

And the holidays are upon us again.  And what are the holidays good for?  Bad feelings!!  This Thanksgiving started off on such a high note that was quickly brought crashing down.  Like I said earlier, I was giving people the power to make it so.  I think knowing is half the battle and now I need to work on recognizing that earlier and not letting it get me down.

I hope I'm not this beat tomorrow night.  Top Chef All-Stars starts and I'm uber-excited for it.  Count me a member of Team Carla.  I'm afraid she's gonna be out early.  I adore her and I'm rooting for she to go the whole way!

Tina Turner - Rubberband Man

Round Up

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and that means that even though it's normally a school night, it's not!  I get to stay up later and don't have an alarm to worry about in the morning.  Unless there's cat trouble, the sun should be up before I am for a change.  And since I'm not in bed, I have time to play here.  Not that anyone cares, but this is just going to be a quick round up of things I've been up to lately.

First and foremost, the (OCD induced) project I've been working on for the last year plus came to it's official end last night around 5 o'clock.  That project was to make sure everything* in my iTunes library has been listened to at least twice. (*Everything, that is, except the Christmas music.)  My library has 65,755 songs in it (62,290 if you exclude Christmas music).  All my play counts were reset to zero when I got this computer three years ago.  A little over a year ago I made a smart playlist and since that day, I've only been listening to things with less than 2 plays.  I've rediscovered a lot of stuff that I'd forgotten about.  Mostly of it was good stuff.  I've listened to a lot of things that haven't aged well, too, though to be honest, I don't know if Neneh Cherry's first album ever didn't sound dated, even when it was first released.  The only music I've kept on my iPod since I started this project were songs that fit that criteria.  It's an 80 gig iPod and it all didn't fit on there at first, but it was awesome when it did.  Last night I had to create new playlists to fill my machine back up.  I'll fine tune the lists when I get a couple minutes, but it's nice to have my iPod full again.

I've not been going to the gym much at all.  It's killing me to stay away from the treadmill, but the last time I got on, my feet paid the price.  No matter how good they're feeling, they need time to properly heal before I fuck them up permanently.  Last weekend I finally did a little research into what's going on with my feet.  I believe what I have is Metatarsalgia.  Basically, it's pain in and around the ball of your foot and it can extend down your entire foot.  Running and incline training on a treadmill are two major causes of it.  The symptoms I have all match.  The cause matches.  Rest and ice are two things that can help make my feet feel better.  An informal consultation with an orthopedist came up with the same conclusion.  What I need to do now is make a real appointment with him and discuss my options.  What I'm afraid is going to come out of the appointment is a pair of orthopedic inserts for my shoes.  If I haven't said this before, I FUCKING HATE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF GETTING OLD!  I also hate myself for pushing myself way too hard in the first place.  I'm not 24 anymore.  Staying away from the gym has been hard.  I can still go and do the bike (which kicks my ass harder than I thought possible) or the elliptical (which I've never tried before, so I'm going to wait for a really quiet time to try it), but I really have this great love/hate thing with the treadmill.  I dread it sometimes, but I always end up feeling pretty good after a good walk.  

I feel like my eating is bordering on out of control again.  The other night after work, I let Ken talk me into going to Five Guys for dinner.  I wasn't hungry at all and when he suggested going to grab something to eat, I initially shot him down.  Then he mentioned Five Guys and I was done.  We have banana bread in the house.  We had a bunch of bananas that were about to go bad, so I decided to make a loaf.  I've made chocolate peanut butter banana bread before, but never just regular banana bread.  It came out really, really good, but it's nothing I need in my house.  Plus, bananas do something odd with my digestive system and I don't like it.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and although I don't have a large menu, I'm sure I'm going to over do it.  I made my first homemade pumpkin pie tonight and I'm excited to try it.  Friday I need to refocus my eating habits again and get serious about it this time.  It seems like every Monday I refocus and by Wednesday I've shot myself in the foot.  I've come way too far and fought all too hard to start to lose my grip.  

I started my Christmas shopping the other night.  My sister was easy to shop for.  She's got an Amazon Wish List.  My parents, too, will be easy.  I know what they want, but I can't get their stuff online.  I'll have to venture out one night after work.  Ken's proving to be difficult, though.  We're to the point in our lives where if we want something, we go buy it.  There's nothing that he wants.  He did mention getting a digital picture frame and I may end up just doing that for him.  I told him all I want is an external hard drive for my computer.  Pretty easy.  The cats are getting something pretty special.  I want one of those six foot tall perch things.  I've always wanted to get one, but they're so damn expensive.  Petsmart has the one I want on sale Friday (for still way too much money) and I think I'm going to get it.  I'm 90% sure the cats will have nothing to do with it, but I really want it anyway.  Just try and stop me!

Different

I'd rather be different than be the same! Sing it Cass!

I'm Coming To The Best Part Of My Life

I've had a mild fascination with Cass Elliot for a long time. Longer than I can remember. This weekend I've been listening to a lot of her music again and I can't help but think that she's talking to me directly. A lot of her songs appeal to me more than most artists' songs do. I really do love everything about her. She never had the strongest or prettiest or most polished voice, but there's just something about it.

I was listening to this song earlier today and it really got to me. I feel like I'm coming up on what is going to be the best part of my life. I've fought long and hard to get where I am and I'm so happy to be here. Life is looking really good (knock on wood). But part of what really got to me was listening to Cass sing this and knowing she died shortly after recording it.

I wonder what kind of brassy broad she would be today if she didn't die so young.

Four Words

Here are four words I never, ever thought I would say, ever, in my life.  I miss the gym.  Okay, it's only been two days since I was last there, but I find myself a little disappointed in myself for not going last night or tonight.  I passed on going out of exhaustion.  The four day weekend was overbooked and I ran myself ragged even though I promised myself it was going to be a weekend of relaxation.  It's a good thing I'm staying home right now.  I feel a cold coming on, first of all, and my feet are still not quite back to normal, second of all.  They're starting to feel better, but I'm afraid I'll overdo it and put them right back to where they were.

Other than that, life is still busier than it should be.  This weekend Ken's old girlfriend from high school was out for the weekend.  They haven't seen each other in about 25 years.  It might have been slightly awkward at the beginning, but they seemed very, very comfortable with each other by the end of the weekend.

Work is work.  I've been in a foul mood the last couple of days, so all the usual suspects are pushing my buttons without knowing it.  And it's only because my mood is allowing that to happen.  I need to just chill the fuck out.  It's hard to do when I'm in a cranky pants mood and not feeling up to snuff.  Hopefully a really good night's sleep with help alleviate matters a bit.

I'm having trouble planning my Thanksgiving menu.  I have no clue what I'm going to make and it's bothering me.  Turkey and some sort of potato is all I have so far.  Probably sweet potatoes in some form.  But otherwise, I'm open to suggestions.  Anyone?

In With Anger, Out With Love

Something really odd happened to me.  I found that I was incredibly angry with myself.  I'd managed to really do a number on my feet at the gym and they've been killing me.  Normally, I get really frustrated and depressed when a roadblock pops up in my attempts to get and stay healthy.  This time, however, I got really, really angry instead.  Once I get an idea in my head about something, it's hard to dissuade me from doing whatever it is.  My newest idea was to go balls to the wall at the gym.  I've about conquered my irrational fear of it, now I wanted to knock myself out.  I'd started walking at a large incline on the treadmill, knowing it will really shape my legs and burn calories.  One thing I never counted on was it was really mess with my feet.  

I'm really pissed at myself for not easing myself into this more.  I'm pissed at myself for now having to pull back and slow down.  And this is a huge step forward for me.  Normally, like I said, I'd get really depressed and mope around like a 10 year old denied candy.  Getting pissed is forcing me to look at what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.  And I think that's good.

I'm still pushing myself a little harder than I should.  I really need to stay away from the gym until my feet are feeling better.  I've been going but taking it much easier.  They feel a little better, but not how they're supposed to.  It was really hard for me to stay home tonight.  I'm planning on staying home for a couple more days and see how that works out for me.

Another reason I'm pissed off at myself is that I waited until I turned 40 before I started taking care of my body and myself.  I'm trying to do things that I should have been doing 20 years ago, but my body isn't having it.  I was never really encouraged to take care of myself, eat healthy or work out.  It's a lesson I'm learning later in life and it gets incredibly frustrating that once I feel like I'm making progress, something happens.  I should be happier because I'm in the best shape of my life right now.  All my vitals couldn't be better.  I'm skinnier than I was in junior high.  But different (age appropriate) things keep popping up.  Sore feet.  Kidney stones.  Sciatic nerves.  Messed up shoulder.  ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

I'm just glad I'm aware and working on getting through this latest slow down.  I'm keeping up with the exercise program I'm doing on the Wii.  I'm looking at other discs, too, for a little variety, but haven't gotten any yet.

For someone so pissed off, I'm also really pleased with myself.  Is that even possible?

Guilt

I wasn't in the mood for the gym tonight and now I'm feeling guilty about it.  I have the energy, but not the drive.  Without any drive, though, I'm sure it would feel like an hour of pure torture.  I need to stop beating myself up.

I've mentioned before that I use an iPhone app called iMapMyRide to track my exercise.  The app is free and there's a website where you can access all your information.  Here's what my October calendar looks like.

At the website, if you hover over each of the icons on the various days, it gives you more information, like how long the walk was, how many calories you burned, etc.  I should be damn proud of myself.  I did over 100 miles in October and burned over 14,000 calories.  When I joined the gym, I set a goal for myself to try and hit 15 miles a week.  I not only hit it, I smashed it last month.  I'm going to stick with my 15 miles a week goal for November and see how that works out.  

To try and quell the guilt a little bit, I'm starting up my 30 Day Challenge again tonight.  I really don't want to do that tonight either, but it's good for me and I won't feel as bloated when I'm done.

Another Week Passes

It's been a busy week and an even busier weekend.  Ken's sister and her son have been here since Thursday evening.  His step-mother was here Friday and Saturday.  It's been exhausting.  The sister and nephew are heading out early tomorrow morning and my house will quiet down again for a few days before the next round of house guests.  Needless to say, I'm pretty fried right now.  I'm putting off doing my Wii workout.  Today is the last workout of my 30 Day Challenge.  I know tonight's workout will be the toughest of them all, too.  Another reason I'm dragging my heels.

Unrelated to all of this, I baked something fan-fucking-tastic this weekend.  My friend Sandy gave me the recipe for Avocado Poundcake.  Now I know what you're thinking.  That it sounds gross.  Well, my friend, you are wrong.  It turned out incredibly delicious.  At first I was nervous.  So nervous that I wasn't going to do my favorite thing when I bake.  That is to lick the bowl of the remnants of the batter.  But I did and the batter was so sweet and delicious that I was tempted to take a little bit more out of the loaf dishes, but luckily they were already in the oven and baking.  I ate a little more than my fair share of the cake this weekend.  I'm sure it will show on the scale tomorrow (as well as the extra helping I had of the white chicken lasagne I made tonight.)  I have all week to work it off, though.  No worries.

Okay, time to workout, then off to bed to watch the Amazing Race.  Gonna save The Walking Dead for tomorrow night.

Happy Halloween all!

Bad

Last week was pretty fucking bad, all the way around.  I'm glad it's over and I'm hoping for the best from the upcoming week, but I'm not going to get too excited.  You know how things tend to fall apart.

So what made last week so bad?  Well, it started slowly and built up over the course of the week.  Monday was actually pretty good, which surprises me because Mondays generally blow.  Tuesday, however, I got up and did my morning routine as usual only to come downstairs to feed the cats and find a surprise they left me.  A mouse. Well, that's not entirely accurate.  It was most of a mouse.  The bottom half of the mouse.  On the kitchen floor.  And the heart (and other guts) on the family room floor.  The head is still missing.  

Wednesday is when things really started sucking.  FrankenKlinger, the prescription drug abusing skank whore who sits near me decided it was my turn to take her bullshit.  She was already at work when I got there (a rarity), standing up in her cube watching for me to arrive.  I thought that was weird, but she's a retard and I dismissed it.  Apparently she was waiting for me to see my reaction to the perfume she sprayed in my cube.  She didn't get her reaction right away.  It took me an hour or so before my allergic reaction to it kicked in.  At this point I still didn't know what was going on.  I thought some douchebag decided to spray themselves and I was catching the overflow.  I thought that until a co-worker stopped at my cube.  She said I smelled pretty and I told her that someone sprayed them self.  She sniffed around and said that no one did that.  The smell is coming from my cube and isn't noticeable anyplace else.  I stewed about it for a little while before finally contacting HR.  I have no proof that it's her, but about every three months, knowing I have allergies to a lot of perfumes, she likes to do it anyway.  And she's good at her game.  She makes sure no one is around.  She knows how to play the game.  That left me pretty miserable, but talking to HR, knowing there really isn't much they can do, helped.  Thursday I had another reaction because the fragrance was still in my cube.  Friday again.  And Friday I went to my floor's director to talk to him about it, again knowing not much will be done, but he made a point of meeting with the managers in my area who are supposed to keep her under control.  Like I keep saying, there's no proof that she did it, but she absolutely did it.  It's been a while since I've been a victim of her bullying, so I guess it was just my turn.  I find it most ironic that she chose the Wear Purple For The Victims of Bullying day to do it.

Earlier in the week, Ken wanted to make plans to go out to dinner with our neighbors on Friday.  I hate going out on Friday nights, but I've been agreeable to all the plans he's been making over the last few months.  Not this time.  Friday nights are the one night of the week that all I want to do is finish up work, go home and unwind.  I'm usually exhausted from the work week.  I go in a couple hours early every day and it catches up with me.  So he changed the plans to Saturday night.

We meet the neighbors at the restaurant only to find they lost our reservation.  Joy.  Ken put up a stink and they got us a table.  Dinner was great.  Afterwards, we stopped at Target for a little shopping.  On the way out, I had a slight twinge in my back.  I didn't think anything of it, just that it was probably a sciatic twinge.  Within minutes, I was starting to hurt.  And then felt nauseous.  I was really feeling like crap.  I just wanted Ken to get home.  I made him stop talking.  Got home and headed for the bathroom, thinking maybe if I went, I'd feel much better.  Only I didn't.  It kept getting worse.  The pain in my back was increasing exponentially.  I felt like I had to go the bathroom, but I couldn't.  I started sweating.  My temperature dropped.  All the color went out of my face.  I was a mess.  Ken called 911 and got an ambulance to the house asap and I was taken out by stretcher.  They gave me something for the pain in the ambulance which did absolutely nothing.  Long story short, turns out I had a kidney stone.  And it was the single most painful thing I've ever experienced.  You hear people say that, and now I believe them.  I was in the ER until about 3 am Saturday night.  I didn't sleep more than 15 minutes at a stretch the rest of the night.  

The stone has now passed and it amazes me something that small can cause pain that big.  I took today off from work to rest up.  I have an appointment with the specialist next week to find out what I can do to decrease the chances of another one.  My kidney still feels a little tender, which I guess is to be expected.  But otherwise, I feel so much better.  I will never take for granted not being in pain ever again. 

Here's hoping to a better week.

Day 07 - A Song That Reminds You Of A Certain Event

Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event





This reminds me of Austin Texas and my trip there this summer.

Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep 
Day 11. A song from your favorite band
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year

Weekend

This was the perfect kind of weekend for me in so many ways.  It was one of the few "normal" weekends we've had since we've been in this house (which is 5 1/2 months for those keeping score.)  No plans whatsoever.  I feel really good about what I got done around the house, but still wish I got a little more done.

Saturday started with me sleeping in until 11:30.  I know I've been dragging my ass on the ground lately, but I didn't ever dream I'd sleep for 12 1/2 hours.  I was really groggy and out of it when I got up and that was hard to shake.  This is how tired I was.  We had a new chair delivered on Saturday morning to replace one that Ken wasn't loving in the family room.  That chair we tried and tried and tried to get up the stairs on Friday night, but couldn't figure it out.  When the delivery guys came, Ken asked if they could move it and they did.  Right up the stairs and into the bedroom and I didn't even stir.

Saturday I got back into the swing of the gym.  My feet still hurt a little from the running, but they're feeling a whole lot better.  Good enough that I got back on the treadmill.  That hour on the treadmill was enough to shake the groggy from me.  

I had a couple of errands to run, so Ken and I went out and grabbed lunch but he decided he wasn't feeling well and asked if I'd bring him home before going back out.  I think he wasn't looking forward to going to the comic shop.  :-)  I had a specific mission when I went.  I wasn't buying the different Lantern Corps action figures and I wanted to correct that mistake.  I was hoping to find a Red Lantern and an Orange Lantern.  The shop was out, but I did pick up a Blue Lantern.  And a few figures out of the clearance bin that weren't in there the last time I was at the store.

Saturday night and Sunday were all about cleaning, straightening and organizing.  I spent a lot of time in my office hanging pictures and shelves, cleaning surfaces and all that jazz.  I wish I had one more day off because I think I'd be able to get everything exactly where I want it.  Sure, I had all the time in the world this weekend, but I ended up wasting a lot of my cleaning time playing online.  Like usual.

I didn't realize it until this afternoon, but when I was at the gym today, I crossed another walking milestone.  I've now hit 600 miles for the year.  Just barely.  I'm about 1/5 of a mile over it.  I'm well on track for hitting 700 miles, if not 800 by the end of the year.  Next year I'm hoping to hit 1000.

Ken's mother is coming to stay the night tomorrow.  She's flying out to somewhere on Tuesday morning and we live much, much, much closer to the airport than she does.  That's going to interfere with my plans to go to the gym tomorrow.  I never in a million years thought I would ever say that.

Next week Ken's sister and nephew are coming for a visit.  His nephew is going to be home from Afghanistan.  The two of them are coming and Pete wants Ken to take him to NYC for the day.  I'm bowing out of that (mis)adventure.

I'm not really looking too forward to this week at work.  No reason in particular, just not feeling it.

And I've been listening to Bob Schneider all day today.  Don't know why, but I am and I'm digging it.

I Ran

Not just a song by A Flock Of Seagulls, but something I did this week for the first time.  I ran.  Since I started my diet four years ago, the only real form of exercise I've done is walking.  I walk and I walk and I walk.  I've walked over 500 years this year so far and I'm still going.  Something I've tried on occasion with much failure is running.  I thought that after four years of walking, I would have developed some stamina.  I walk at almost 5 mph after all.  But I've never been able to go more than 1/10 of a mile or so.  This week at the gym, I started off walking on the treadmill like usual, then slowly increased my speed until I was running.  The first day I tried, I ran for 1/2 mile, then slowed back down to a walk, then ran again for 3/4 of a mile.  And I felt good.  Really good.  So good that when I went back last night, I wanted to run again.  This time I walked for a while, then ran for 1/2 mile, walked, ran for 3/4 mile, then walked and then another 1/2 miles.  Again, when I was done, I felt really, really good.  I was sore as hell, but I felt good.  

Today, though, I hurt.  There are muscles in your legs that you don't normally use except for running, I suppose.  My legs are really, really, really sore today.  I over did it and I'm paying for it today.  And my feet hurt, too.  My shoes are great for walking in, but I'm guessing they aren't designed for running.  I hope I didn't fuck my feet up already.  It's going to kill me to try and chill out until they feel better.  I'm just getting into this and to have to stop because I hurt my foot is not good.

One thing I've always been wary about running is whether or not it was going to screw up my sciatic nerve.  So far, so good with it.  It's been achy for a little while, but it's neither better nor worse after running.  I'm pretty psyched about that.  I don't like that it's achy in my lower back right now.  If it has to talk to me, I'd much prefer it to be in my hip.  There it's most bearable.

The other thing I've been doing is I'm back on the EA Sports Active for the Wii.  I started on the 2nd of October and have been trying to do it every night, but I haven't been as on top of it as I should be.  The premise behind it is you do a 30 day workout.  It's actually 20 days of exercise and 10 days of rest.  Two days on, one day off.  I knew last week was going to be hard with all the running around I had to do and going away, so I did the first three and then I was off of it for 5 days.  Since getting home Sunday, I've been doing it every night.  Tonight I got about half way through it when I realized I was doing the same workout as yesterday.  For some reason, it didn't save yesterday's workout.  It only recorded a rest day.  Now I'm yet another day behind.  I've had 6 rest days according to the game.  I only have four left.  It's getting easier each day, which is good.  When I first started it up, it was handing me my ass on a platter.  

I'm really trying to get serious with my health.  I'm sick of getting on the scale and not being happy with what it says, even though it says things that a perfectly sane person would love to hear.  I know I'm really much too hard on myself, but as I've said in the past, I think that if I start giving myself a little slack, that slack will lead to a little more and then to a little more and then I'll be 300 lbs again.

Catching Up

It's been a busy week for me.  Busier than usual.  To quickly recap:

Monday night, Ken and I took that long dreaded (by me) trip and signed up at the local gym.  I've been crabbing about it long enough and finally just did it.  I figure the only way to work through my gym-phobia is to join one and go.

Tuesday night was the first night I went.  It made me remember that walking on a treadmill is a lot harder than walking around the neighborhood, even if you're walking at the same speed.  With the treadmill, it keeps you going at the same pace whereas walking outside, you constantly change your speed.  I was drenched by the time I finished my first workout.  And I was proud of myself that I did it.

Wednesday night Ken and I both went.  I did another hour on the treadmill.  He did about 1/2 hour and then waited for me to finish.  I'm proud of him for going in the first place.  His foot has been killing him and he had a perfectly good excuse to not go, but he did it.

Thursday night I was exhausted from work, but I planned on going.  Didn't happen, though.  I had a bunch of errands to run and had to get ready to leave for the weekend.  

Friday Ken and I headed to NYC for the weekend.  Our friends George and Steve have been wanting us to come back down for a while.  We haven't been to their place in about two years, so Ken and Steve, planners both, took the reins and planned the trip.  George and I spent Friday at the New York ComicCon.  I haven't been to a big con in many, many years.  I believe the last time was San Diego in 1988.  The New York show was bigger than that particular San Diego one was, though not quite as busy as the San Diego one currently is.  I think they were expecting between 90 and 95 thousand attendees this year.  I think San Diego gets about 125.  Another year or two and they'll be equally as big.

I had a lot of fun, though things didn't quite work out like I'd hoped.  George got hung up at work and couldn't meet me when I got there, so I was on my own.  I sent a text to Stevie from the Comic Book Queers podcast, hoping he was going to be there at the same time.  And he was!!  I went over to meet him in person.  He's even more awesome in real life than on the internet.  That sounds odd, but you know what I mean.  He's so damn cute and he's tall and he's funny and he's charming.  My crush on him only intensified.  :-)  He was there with Laura from the Geektress podcast and I got the chance to hang out with them for an hour or so.  By then George was at the show and I bid a fond adieu and searched him out.  We played text tag for a little bit before connecting.  We poked around a little bit and then started playing text tag with our friend Michael, who was in town from California.  We finally found him and the three of us wandered aimlessly.  We met up with another friend, Rich, who was working the show.  I had a lot of fun with my friends, but before I knew it, the show was winding down for the day and I didn't get a chance to load up on books and shirts and toys like I hoped to.  I did end up with a Batgirl and a Batwoman shirt and two trade paperbacks.  Oh, and George surprised me with an action figure I was looking at!

Friday night the Geektress girls were having a party and I was tempted to go, but by the time we got back to George's place, it was too late.  We (being Ken and I and George and Steve) called out for pizza, played cards and hung out.  It was nice.

Saturday we spent the whole day with G&S.  Lunch was spent at George's parents' place.  His mother made a great spread.  Dinner was out at a Turkish restaurant.  I was a little afraid of it, I'll admit, but I found it amazing.  I had a lamb and eggplant dish that was incredible.  Steve gave me a bite of his salmon.  Again, it was amazing.  I'd go back there in a heartbeat.

Today we needed to be on the road relatively early.  Our catsitters were gone and it was our turn to start catsitting for them.  When I got home, I headed straight for the gym.  I love Sunday afternoons there.  There must have been 15 people in the place.  I LOVE that.  A little while after I got home I decided today would be a better day to go grocery shopping than tomorrow.  All my chores outside the house are now done and I can take tomorrow to sleep in and do whatever I want.

Oh, I forgot to mention, but on the way down to NYC, we stopped at the Woodbury Commons outlets.  I wanted to go to the Converse Outlet.  My timing for the place was perfect.  They had just marked down almost everything on the clearance wall to $9.97.  Guess who walked out with six more pairs of sneakers?

Sad

I'm a little sad that it's Sunday night.  I hate that the weekend is ending and it's back to real life in the morning.  And for me, that starts at around 5:30 tomorrow morning.  Ugh.

Today wasn't nearly as productive as I'd hoped it would be.  No, that's not right.  It was pretty productive, it just didn't go the way I hoped it would.  I wanted a little more slouching around time, but I had things to do.  I was in no mood to go walking today, but I knew I had to.  I blew it off yesterday after about 1/2 mile, so I knew it was the right thing to do.  I was hoping to push myself for 5 miles, but somehow found it in myself to push on for nearly 11.  I really should have pushed that last 1/4 mile, but I was ready to quit.  I did my weekly grocery shop (and spent way more than I anticipated, too.) and spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen.  I was able to do the prep work for dinner pretty early, also got my lunches made up for tomorrow and Tuesday and I baked brownies.  Tonight I tried empanadas again, this time much more successfully than last week.  I made them using chicken instead of beef and they were delicious.  I also made myself a ginormous brownie sundae and I'm regretting it a lot right now.  That's how good it was.

I was hoping to get a couple of little projects in my office done this weekend, but I ended up starting one and blowing the rest off.  The one thing I did was fix my Barbara Gordon/Oracle action figure.  One of the wheels on her wheelchair broke off in the old house and I crazy glued it back on.  During the move, it broke off again and I haven't had a chance to fix it, until this weekend.  Now that she's displayable again, I need to organize the rest of my toys.  I also have a couple more pictures to frame that I've been putting off.  And I need another IKEA run to pick up one or two more things I want to complete what I want to complete.

I'm excited that I've got a four day work week this week.  I didn't realize that next Monday was a holiday when I requested it off, so that's back to back four day work weeks.  I'm very happy about that.

Dammit, I Missed One Already

I jumped right over #5.  My bad.



Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11. A song from your favorite band
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year



This song always reminds me of Ken, mostly because it's a song he loves, but more importantly, it's a song he loves to walk around the house singing opera style.  For real.

Saturday

Today was such a great, quiet day.  It's the first weekend that I had no plans (well, except to bring Lucy to the groomer to get her nails did), no obligations, no anything.  It was fantastic, but not long enough.  Back in the old house, my typical Saturday began with me cleaning the house top to bottom, then goofing off the rest of the day. This is the first Saturday since being in this house that I got to do just that.  Ken had plans with our neighbor to go up to the Saratoga Showcase of Homes, something I had less than zero interest in.  Once he was out of the house, I got to work.  The kitchen, living room, dining room, sitting room, bedroom, guest rooms.... all done.  The only things I didn't do were the bathrooms and my office.  The bathrooms could use a once over, but my office is mostly good as is.  Just a little straightening is needed.  Anyway, I ran a few errands and then spent the afternoon going through old pictures and scanning them.  

Tomorrow I need to motivate and get out and walk.  I've started slacking off this week.  Sure, it's due to the weather, but still.  And I have tried compensating by working out with the Wii.  Which, by the way, has handed me my ass all three times I've done it.

The other night I mentioned to Ken that I'm thinking about joining a gym.  Not because I want him to join with me (though that would be great), but more so that I've said it out loud and it's out there in the universe.  I have  gym phobia that I need to get over.  And I know that once I get into a routine, I'll feel much better about it.

That's all.

Day 06 - A Song That Reminds You Of Somewhere

Day 01. Your favorite song
Day 02. Your least favorite song
Day 03. A song that makes you happy
Day 04. A song that makes you sad
Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere




Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11. A song from your favorite band
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 04 - A Song That Makes You Sad

Day 01. Your favorite song
Day 02. Your least favorite song
Day 03. A song that makes you happy

Day 04. A song that makes you sad



Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11. A song from your favorite band
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 03 - A Song That Makes You Happy

Day 01. Your favorite song
Day 02. Your least favorite song

Day 03. A song that makes you happy




Day 04. A song that makes you sad
Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11. A song from your favorite band
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 02 - Your Least Favorite Song

Day 01. Your favorite song

Day 02. Your least favorite song

Day 03. A song that makes you happy
Day 04. A song that makes you sad
Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08. A song that you know all the words to
Day 09. A song that you can dance to
Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep  
Day 11. A song from your favorite band 
Day 12. A song from a band you hate
Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15. A song that describes you
Day 16. A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17. A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19. A song from your favorite album
Day 20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24. A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25. A song that makes you laugh
Day 26. A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27. A song that you wish you could play
Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29. A song from your childhood
Day 30. Your favorite song at this time last year

Ouch!!

Ouch #1

The weather here this week is not all that promising for getting outside and walking.  Rain is in the forecast for most of this week and it's both bumming me out and making me glad.  It's forcing me to take a little bit of a break, which I don't ever seem to allow myself.  But it's keeping me from doing something active, which I'm not happy about.  Just hearing myself say that still sounds funny.  Me, the biggest slouch in the world, now can't cope when I can't get out and move my body.  After having a big bowl of pudding for dinner tonight, I decided I should do something, so I dusted off the EA Sports Active for the Wii and got to business.  I've done it two or three times since being in the new house, but since it's been nice out, I've been doing my exercise outside.  Tonight, however, I was humiliated by a stupid video game.  It handed me my ass on a silver platter.  I can't remember the last time I hurt like I do right this second.  It reminds me that as much as I think I'm in shape, I'm in no shape whatsoever.  I shouldn't be drenched in sweat after 20 minutes of lunges, resistance training and stretches.  I have a feeling I'm going to hurt tomorrow.  But hopefully not too much to keep me from doing my sit ups.  Day three and I haven't given up yet.  One set in the morning, one set in the evening.  I'm starting to feel where my stomach and the surrounding muscles are and where that line ends and the belly blubber begins.  

Ouch #2

The last pair of walking shoes I had weren't the best pair.  Turns out they were just a tiny bit too small for my right foot to do the kind of walking I like to do outside.  After a little while I noticed that I had a cut or a blister or something underneath the big toe nail on that foot.  And it started getting bigger as time went on, to the point that almost half the toe nail had turned black.  I bought new shoes and the toe stopped turning black, it just wasn't turning back to it's rightful color.  Over time, as the nail continued to grow, the black part of the nail kept moving higher and higher.  I thought it would grow out of the toe and everything would be fine.  Recently I noticed that a good portion of the nail appears to be dead and doesn't look like it's fully attached to my toe.  I really did a number on my poor toe.  I'm fearing I'm going to lose the whole nail before the healthy part grows enough to take the place of the dead part.  Meh.  And just to gross you out, here is a picture of the toe.