In With Anger, Out With Love

Something really odd happened to me.  I found that I was incredibly angry with myself.  I'd managed to really do a number on my feet at the gym and they've been killing me.  Normally, I get really frustrated and depressed when a roadblock pops up in my attempts to get and stay healthy.  This time, however, I got really, really angry instead.  Once I get an idea in my head about something, it's hard to dissuade me from doing whatever it is.  My newest idea was to go balls to the wall at the gym.  I've about conquered my irrational fear of it, now I wanted to knock myself out.  I'd started walking at a large incline on the treadmill, knowing it will really shape my legs and burn calories.  One thing I never counted on was it was really mess with my feet.  

I'm really pissed at myself for not easing myself into this more.  I'm pissed at myself for now having to pull back and slow down.  And this is a huge step forward for me.  Normally, like I said, I'd get really depressed and mope around like a 10 year old denied candy.  Getting pissed is forcing me to look at what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.  And I think that's good.

I'm still pushing myself a little harder than I should.  I really need to stay away from the gym until my feet are feeling better.  I've been going but taking it much easier.  They feel a little better, but not how they're supposed to.  It was really hard for me to stay home tonight.  I'm planning on staying home for a couple more days and see how that works out for me.

Another reason I'm pissed off at myself is that I waited until I turned 40 before I started taking care of my body and myself.  I'm trying to do things that I should have been doing 20 years ago, but my body isn't having it.  I was never really encouraged to take care of myself, eat healthy or work out.  It's a lesson I'm learning later in life and it gets incredibly frustrating that once I feel like I'm making progress, something happens.  I should be happier because I'm in the best shape of my life right now.  All my vitals couldn't be better.  I'm skinnier than I was in junior high.  But different (age appropriate) things keep popping up.  Sore feet.  Kidney stones.  Sciatic nerves.  Messed up shoulder.  ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

I'm just glad I'm aware and working on getting through this latest slow down.  I'm keeping up with the exercise program I'm doing on the Wii.  I'm looking at other discs, too, for a little variety, but haven't gotten any yet.

For someone so pissed off, I'm also really pleased with myself.  Is that even possible?

1 comment:

Denisa said...

Keep with it Walt! You will do amazing, I have faith in you! I know when you set your mind to something you can do it! I am very proud of you for really taking charge and taking care of yourself!