Two Years

⁂Okay, I've been really bad about posting this week. Really bad. I feel bad. But I'm also starting to sound like a broken record, so....

⁂Today marks my diet's two year anniversary. Diet is probably the wrong word, because it's really a lifestyle change, but that sounds fucking stupid. I know I have to eat more responsibly for the rest of my life. It's not like in my fantasy world where I would only have to do it until I reached my goal and then fall back into the old ways. I sort of feel like I slipped back this week, though. I found myself eating when I wasn't hungry because I was bored. I found myself eating crap I shouldn't have been eating (Edy's, you are a temptress I don't ever want to shake). My willpower and my common sense got together and went on vacation. What that means to me is a 2 pound gain this week (I'm now back to 192), but I was very happy it was only 2 pounds. ℋonestly, I was expecting to see a 4 or 5 pound gain. Small comfort, I know.

I know how neurotic I sound when I talk about gaining 2 pounds. It happens. The body fluctuates and there's not a whole lot you can do about it. But I take this so seriously that I sometimes get lost in the minutiae. I've fought long and hard to get to where I am right now and I don't want anything to derail me. And the only way I know for that to happen is by obsessing over every small detail. This is what works for me. If it makes me sound like a crazy person, than so be it.

⁂ I'm finding myself getting overwhelmed again. This time with social obligations. Anyone that knows me knows I'm a homebody. I like to be home, I like to shut the world out and I'm not one for much socialization. From time to time it's nice, but I don't like to cut into my own quiet time when I don't have to. That being said, my schedule is getting filled up quicker than I feel comfortable with. Two weeks ago we went to Jersey to see Ken's best friend. This weekend we went over to a friend's house for an impromptu game night. This weekend, an old friend called and said she was probably coming to town next weekend. My sister emailed me and is coming up for a concert. In a couple weeks I'm heading to the city for a get together. Two weeks later I'm on my way to Florida where there will be another one. This is an awful lot for me. I'm getting tired (and a little fetal) just thinking about it. I know it's something that I need to work on before I become that crotchety old man sitting alone on his front porch with a shotgun, yelling at the kids to stay off the lawn. I'm going to try my damnedest to be pleasant, charming, funny and outgoing during all of this. Doesn't mean I'll succeed, but I'm going to try.

⁂I think I mentioned before that I'm trying to go through my iTunes and make sure I play every single song. Since getting the new computer in December, I've tried uploading most of my music onto it. My iTunes library is currently at 36,450 songs. And I've finally gotten my unplayed library down to 17,967 songs, all of which will now fit on my iPod. Earlier this week was the first time the library got small enough to all fit on the iPod. What I've been doing is playing songs from largest file size down, rather than at shuffle. Now that they all fit, I can resume shuffle mode and get a better variety of songs. I know this must be fascinating for everyone. Well, it is for me. I'm such a fucking nerd like that.

⁂I took tomorrow off from work. I have some time I'm about to lose if I don't take it, so I picked tomorrow. I need to go to the doctor to have some more blood work done anyway. I was going to go Tuesday, but decided that doesn't make a very fun three day weekend, having to work Monday. I'm making a promise to myself that I'm not going to sit on the computer all day like I did today. I'm going to be productive and maybe even go shopping or something.