Heading To Bed

But before I do, I felt the need to write something here. I'm afraid it's just going to be another set of scattered thoughts.

My body is still (knock on wood) going along with me and I've been able to get out and go for hour long walks every day this week. That's two weeks in a row. I'm not feeling as good as I used to or wish I did, but the pain isn't really pain. It's more slight discomfort. So Monday through Thursday I pushed myself to walk home from work. Tonight I headed up to the office complex near the house to walk. I feel really good about it. My legs feel great and back in shape. I'm just hoping it's enough to kick start that last little bit of weight loss. I know, I know, I'm a broken record, but if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I focus so tightly on things that I don't or can't see anything else. I have no plans to walk tomorrow. I want to give it a little bit of a rest before I head out for my last chance workout on Sunday morning before weigh in.

Ken surprised the shit out of me this week. As a "thank you" for all I do around here (namely EVERYTHING) among other things, he ordered me a huge stack of (mostly) Silver Age comics. I have a want list of things I'm looking for and he always has a copy of it, but usually doesn't look at it. Not unless he wants to surprise me. And did he. I got a bunch of Justice Leagues, some Adventure Comics with Supergirl, some Superman Family issues, World's Finest, Detective, DC Special, DC Special Series, DC Super Stars, Super DC Giant, Green Lantern, Flash..... I was really blown away by the sheer volume of books, about 65 or so. Now I need to find some time to read.

I listened to a lot of Barry Manilow this week. On purpose.

I came to the conclusion this week that I am a difficult friend to have. I probably won't be able to find the right words to explain why I think this, so bear with me. I've always considered myself a low maintenance person. I don't need a lot to make me happy. I don't need to go do things to make me happy. Just hanging out, either with friends or by myself, is enough. And often times, if that's not the plan, I'm just not interested. I don't know when this happened to me. I used to much more active, I used to go out all the time, I used to do a lot more things than I do now. To be honest, I don't know that I ever truly enjoyed going out as much as I did, or doing all the stuff I used to do. I did it to be with my friends. I'm wondering if this change in me is me trying to regain control of my life. It could very well be. I tend not to be the alpha in any situation. I don't make decisions if I don't have to. I like to lay that on someone else's shoulders. In my head it's because it's easier. If we're going to do something and I pick it and everyone's miserable, I feel guilty. If we're going to do something and someone else picks it, I know we're going to do something they enjoy and I feel no guilt. Does that make any sense? It didn't come out 100% right. Anyway, the older I get, the more I really only want to do the things I want to do. I've done what everyone else has wanted to for years and now it's my turn. And that's kind of unfair to my friends who may want to do this or that, but I don't. It makes me feel like a bad friend. So selfish.

I'm probably not making much sense at all. It's way past my bedtime and I'm babbling.

1 comment:

Joe in Philly said...

You just have to balance. Sometimes do what you want, sometimes do what others want.

Yay for Ken re: the comics!