I've been feeling pretty damn good about my body lately. It's a rarity, for sure. I have a distorted view of what I think my body really looks like. I look in the mirror, but I don't see what other people see. I still see myself as being much bigger than I really am. Not as big as I used to be, but definitely not as slim as I really am. In fact, it's rare that I would use the word slim to describe myself. Anyway, a week or so ago I was feeling extra positive about how I looked, so I snapped a picture to remind me of this. And then I thought nothing about it until tonight when I was loading pictures from my phone to the computer. I'm glad I took this because I was going to write a little blog post about the next picture.
Over the weekend, my friend Lori posted this picture of me and Lynn on her Facebook page. I got a notification that I was tagged in a picture, so I went and found it. And my jaw nearly hit the ground. I immediately posted a comment on the picture saying something along the lines that I couldn't believe how horrible a picture it was. I didn't say that because I was mad that she posted in. In fact, I was so excited she did. But she took it the wrong way and removed the picture. It bummed me out because I went to go make it my profile picture, but it was gone. I had her send it to me so I could repost it and make it my profile picture.
This is the single most disgusting picture I've ever seen of myself. I cannot believe that I ever let myself get to that point. I knew I was fat, but much like I have difficulty seeing myself as slender now, I had a really hard time as seeing myself as grossly obese. Looking at the picture right now makes me feel like someone just hit me in the back of the head with a solid wood baseball bat. And it also fills me with so much self-esteem, something I lack most days. I am so fucking proud of all that I've accomplished with my body in the nearly five years since I committed to getting healthy. Two years to lose the weight and now nearly three years at my goal. I'm Superman!