Still Kicking

Two of my major fears in life are dying and being a burden. I don't know which I fear more. While dying is scary to think about, once I'm dead, I'm dead. Becoming a burden on someone, however, lasts a much longer time. And give me a lot of time to dwell on it. I was afraid one of those options was going to happen to me yesterday.I've mentioned in a couple of posts, I believe, that last week I slammed my forehead on the corner of my nightstand while trying to reposition myself amongst the cats in my bed. I hit it pretty good, hard enough to wake me up and also to start bleeding. I ended up with a goose egg on my forehead. It hurt for a good day and a half. But it left me with a headache, one which I've moaned about here, too. I'm pretty sure now that the headache is a direct result of this. I'm coming up on two weeks since the incident and the headache still hasn't gone away. If I wasn't such a pussy, I would have done the grown up thing and made a doctor's appointment to have this checked out. But I still have an aversion to the doctor. It's not as bad as it once was (considering I seem to go more than a few times a year, if not more), though. I did the typical guy thing, I decided to try and wait it out. By Monday, the headache seemed to be getting better, though Tuesday was a really bad day. Wednesday I seemed better again and Thursday was about the same. For most of the day. Sometime in the late afternoon, I started getting an upset stomach. I also started getting some tingling in my face on the left side. I was a little concerned, but stuck to my "wait it out" guns. I went about my normal evening business of playing online and wasting my night. I was poking around on Wikipedia and was reading up on Edwyn Collins for some unknown reason. In the entry on him, it mentions that he had a case of nausea and vertigo which resulted in a cerebral hemorrhage. Just what I needed to read on this particular night. As I was playing online, I noticed that my left arm was starting to exhibit some numbness. It was at this point that I decided things weren't good. The headache, the nausea, the numbness in my face and now the numbness in my arm screamed STROKE to me. I went and told Ken that I although I think I'm okay, I think I need to go see a doctor right now. I tried to keep him from panicking, but if you know Ken, you know that's next to impossible. I'm not sure what time it was when we went. I'm really not too aware of many of the smaller details from here on out. I was too busy trying not to worry about myself and trying to calm him the fuck down.

We got to the hospital and after a short, confusing delay, they took me in and took my vitals. All my vitals were "perfect," to quote the nurse. I think this instantly ruled out stroke, though they didn't say that to me. I was taken to a treatment room and given my gown to change into and then began the waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I was hooked up to the machines they tend to hook you up to and my vitals were constantly monitored. I was poked and proded and had bloodwork done. I was sent in for a CT Scan. I was examined by a couple of nurses and a doctor. I got to go over my list of symptoms, many of which were brand new to Ken as I really hadn't been keeping him totally in the loop of what was going on with me. I know how he is and I'm the complete opposite. I didn't want to worry him with what was potentially nothing to worry about. He learned that I had two instances with trouble with speech. He didn't know it felt like my eyes were working independently of each other right after getting conked on the head.

Anyway, after all my tests and all the waiting, the doctor came in to tell me that with the exception of a little dehydration (I hadn't had anything to drink in probably six or seven hours), I was in "perfect health." While that was great to hear, it was awful to hear. I was so relieved that I wasn't having a stroke, I wasn't having an aneurysm, my brain wasn't bleeding, I wasn't dying, but I was really upset to know there isn't a reason they could see why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. This is exactly the result I predicted to Ken in the car on the way to the hospital. The ER doctor suggested making a follow up appointment with my primary care physican. I planned on not doing that until Ken and I had a fight on the phone today about it. (Actually, it was out second fight since leaving the ER. The first was about me going to work today. I did and he was pissed and said I should stay home. I won.) My reason again is because I'm going to go in and it's going to be a waste of time. I'm going to be told there is nothing wrong with me. I'm trying to get that notion out of my head. I have until Tuesday to adjust my mood about it.

So the headache is still a mystery, but the numbness isn't, I believe. I think I figured out what was happening. Yesterday before leaving work, I popped a couple headache pills. About an hour after that is when the numbness started. Today, about an hour after doing that, the same thing happened. I think I was having a reaction to the pills. I do feel a little better about that. Now if we can just figure out the headache issue, I'll be happy. I'm guessing I have a concussion of some kind, though I don't know if a concussion lasts this long. I'll (hopefully) find out next week.

It looks like I'm going to live to see another day.