Be Careful What You Wish For

For years I've wished that I could have Christmas my way.  And my way would be a quiet day at home.  This year I got my wish.  The best way to describe today would be "a quiet day at home."  Ken played World Of Warcraft while I continued to set up my computer and get things in order.  It was very restful.  However, I hated it.  Christmas Day has always been about family.  Mom would decorate up her house and cook enough for an army to eat.  Last year we changed things up a bit and hosted Christmas at my house.  And I loved it.  And more importantly, Mom loved it.  She didn't have to lift a finger to do anything.

My Dad and sister opted out of recognizing Christmas this year.  I can't say I blame them.  It's been almost three months now since Mom passed.  It was just too soon for them to think about it.  I, on the other hand, have been trying to immerse myself into Christmas.  I think I wanted to convince myself that I was going to love Christmas this year.  Beginning December 1, I've played nothing but Christmas music.  I've got just over 4,000 Christmas songs in my library and my goal was to try to play them all before Christmas is over.  I didn't hit my goal, but I did damn well.  I have just over 1,300 songs left I didn't get to.  Not too bad.

With today coming to an end, it's the second of the four big days I've been dreading.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are now done, Mom's birthday and the anniversary of her passing are on the plate for 2012.  

Tomorrow I'm starting fresh.  I've got the holidays behind me now and I'm going out there and I'm going to look for something good to grab onto.  I'm so tired of moping and frowning.  However, I need to go grocery shopping and the thought of getting out into public with the unwashed day-after-Christmas masses is sooo not appealing.

1 comment:

Hello Nessa said...

My dear Walt,

Celebrate your mama, do things you know she would want you to do. Live life to the fullest and on those days, like her birthday, do something special to remember her.

I don't think she would want you to be miserable on those days you associate with her. Of course you will be sad and miss her, youre only human. But instead of looking at everything with dread or apprehension because of your loss. Look for a away to include her in your celebration.

Remember, "If I have to I can face anything I am strong I am invincible I am Walter"

Love you