Pushing Myself

I push myself pretty hard.  As much as I like to goof off (and trust me, I find time to do that), I still push myself pretty hard to do things I don't necessarily want to do.  It's now Friday night and I'm feeling exhausted.  That's pretty typical for me because of how I push myself during the work week.  My normal work schedule is Monday through Friday 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.  Because we're offered plenty of overtime, I try to take full advantage of it and I've been pretty successful at doing so for the past year plus.  I'm usually to work between 6:45 and 7 am every morning, depending on the bus.  With the exception of Fridays, it's rare that I leave work at 4:30.  My job is not a difficult one, but I still end the week ready to drop.  I keep pushing myself to do the overtime because it can disappear at any time.  I like having the extra money, though I've been doing it for so long now that I don't realize what's my regular salary and what's overtime anymore.  If you were to ask me how much my regular take home pay is, I couldn't answer you.  (To be honest, I'm not quite sure what my pay is with the overtime in it.  Since combining our finances, Ken deals with the bills and I'm kind of lost to where we are right now.  Bad Walt!)  I keep telling myself that I can let up on the overtime, but I don't seem to listen.  I was in a slight panic at the start of the current pay period.  Our periods run bi-weekly starting on a Thursday.  The new pay period started last week and I had to call out on the first day because of the furnace issues.  Not only that, but Ken called me at work on Tuesday and asked if I could leave work at 4:30 because he was going to be detained at the office and he needed me to do something for him.  That's two days where I wasn't going to spend way too much time at work.  I didn't know what to do.  I think that's a sign that I've been working WAY too much.  I really need to pull back, but I have some things that I'd love to do this year that I can't justify unless I put in the extra hours for the extra cash.  

I push myself to exercise.  I don't particularly enjoy it most days, but I know I need to do it to keep from becoming a blimp again.  For the most part, I don't mind walking.  It's an easy exercise and it's really the only activity I've done since starting my diet.  This time of the year it blows, though.  I only walk on Sundays.  I get up at the crack of dawn and head to the mall before the rest of the blue hairs get there.  Once the weather gets better, I can get back outside and walk.  I enjoy walking home from work.  I enjoy walking around the office campus near my house.  I don't really enjoy walking in the mall.  I also find I don't enjoy working out to the EA Sports Active for the Wii.  That's more because it drives home the point that I have no muscles at all.  I'm just over half way through the 30 Day Workout (Beginner Level) and it kicks my ass every single day.  I have long conversations with the game each workout.  And by "long conversations" I mean I swear at my virtual personal trainer, I call him names, I tell him (to fuck) off.  But I do the program and I'm starting to see and feel the results.  And that makes me very happy.

I guess I push myself to do things so I'll have stuff to whine about.  And that's something I'm really good at!