9.29.2009

Change

If 2009 has been anything, it's been all about self-discovery and the dreaded "c" word (change.) I've been forcing myself to take a look at me, what makes me tick, what holds me back and what I need to work on to make myself a better person and to make my life better. I find that I'm comfortable when I'm in a pattern. I find safety and comfort in a regular schedule. But I'm also starting to find my usual patterns to be stagnant and becoming unappealing. For instance, my regular pattern for after work is to come home, grab a bite to eat, chit chat with Ken for a little bit, head upstairs and sit on the computer for the rest of the night. This is something I enjoy doing, for the most part, but it's really starting to drag me down when I think about how much time I waste sitting here at the computer. I spent a few weeks away from the computer this summer (when I went to Austin and when I went to Orlando.) I relied on my phone for whatever internet things I needed and I never once touched a traditional computer. And I didn't miss it one little bit. Not one. But the second I got home, it was straight back to wasting time. I've become way more aware of this since these two trips and now I'm battling to break the routine. I've got so many other things I want to do and I don't get around to them because I'm glued to the computer chair. Tonight, for instance, is a perfect example. Ken's out of town on business and this was my chance to get stuff done around the house without being distracted. I did a load of laundry and the dishes. That's it. The last 2 hours or so have been sitting in my office wasting time.

I know there's life out there, away from this infernal ping box. It's so damn addicting that it's hard to break away from it. There's nothing wrong with sitting in front of it for a few hours at a time, but when it's a daily routine, then there's the problem. I'm going to try to promise myself that I get no more than, say, an hour a night, five nights a week and start to ween myself off of this. Work has been so busy since coming back from vacation that I haven't had any time to play on Twitter. And I don't really miss it too much. I look in when I can, but it's not a priority anymore. And it feels good.

This is all part of my overall plan to simplify my life. I feel like I'm drowning. In material possessions, in obligations, in wasteful activities. When we were getting ready to head to Florida for vacation, we emptied out the entire first floor of our house. The ceiling guys were coming to redo all the ceilings downstairs. We used this as an opportunity to start purging our possessions. We moved back in only a fraction of the stuff we moved out. It feels liberating. I know I have too much shit in my office, but it's all stuff I love and enjoy. Do I need it all? No. I need to look it all over and be brutal with it. Why do I have it? Am I ever going to use it again? Does it serve a purpose? I need to ask myself these kinds of questions and clean house. Having something for the sake of having something is not a good reason to have it.

I'm finishing up this post and shutting down the computer for the night. I need to step away from the heroin, er, um, computer. I've got a pile of comics and some bad tv screaming for me to come pay them some attention. And a basketful of laundry that needs to be put away.

Sometime this week I'll post some of my Disney pictures. I've been meaning to do that, but I've been distracted. Shocker.

2 comments:

Joe in Philly said...

Everything in balance. A little browsing, a little TV, a little reading, etc.

The Smiths said...

You know me, always full of advice... You might want to start with one day that is "computer free." Don't even turn it on after work. That way you avoid getting sucked into it. Seems like you are OK if you don't turn it on. See how that feels. If you like it, expand to 2 days. Occasionally I take a day off from it and it helps. It can be quite obsessive!