It's what I need. Two nights ago I had probably the worst night of sleep I've had in months and months and months. I was tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. When I did manage to fall asleep, I couldn't stay asleep. And there was no good reason for it. Usually it's because the cats are being a pain in my ass or Ken is hogging the blankets or something, but this time, nothing. I managed to make it through the day without feeling like I was the walking dead, which was a huge plus. Last night I hoped to sleep a little better, and I did, but it wasn't enough. Again, I kept waking up, but I kept falling right back to sleep. It caught up with me today, though. Hard. I didn't stay as late at work as I had hoped to. I lost the ability to concentrate and that's a sure fire sign to leave.

Ken picked me up from work and I agreed to go to the Y with him. He won an auction on our local PBS station for a three month gym membership there. Tonight he signed up and asked if I wanted to check out the place. I agreed, which is big for me considering how gym-phobic I am. I don't know exactly what it is about the gym that freaks me out. It could be because I don't really know anything about the gym. It could be the people there intimidate me. I don't know for sure. All I know is I'm freaked out by it. But I thought I would go, check it out and maybe it isn't all that bad. Well, I felt pretty uneasy there and decided I wasn't going to join. The place felt like a high school gym and that made me really uneasy. I know I'm a freak about things like this. Ken gets a few guest passes and I'm going to make him bully me into going with him one of these times. The only way to get through the anxiety is to just fucking do it already. Even though I've always been gym-phobic, I've kind of wanted to join one in the last year or so. Almost a year ago I hit my goal weight. I did it mostly by walking and diet, but walking only works on certain parts of your body. I need work on more of me than just my legs. For instance, I have these freakishly skinny arms. I always have. They're more prominent in short sleeve weather and I'm pretty self conscious about them. And I still have excess belly flab, but most of that is skin that never retracted. (Lovely, right?) I feel like an idiot for tonight and I'm just going to blame it on how beat I'm feeling right now, even though I know that has nothing to do with it.

Tonight is all about getting to bed at a relatively early hour. I don't have anything on tv (though I have a few shows dvr'd and I have the first episode of the new Torchwood downloaded and waiting for me) and I don't have very much left in my pile of comics to read. I don't have much of an excuse for not getting to bed early.

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