Monday

I'm sitting here beating myself up. I've been a gluttonous pig and I don't know why. Today was the day I was supposed to get my bad self back under control, stay away from the shit and refocus. But it didn't quite happen. First of all, with my willpower pretty low, I passed by a bowl full of Hershey's mini chocolate eggs. I grabbed a few. They weren't very good at all, yet I ate a few. And then I had a couple more. Okay, not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I know better than to get all hopped up on sugar first thing in the morning. I had a sensible lunch (big ass salad, apple and popcorn) and it filled me up. So, not being very hungry for dinner, what do I grab? A left over biscuit from last night's dinner and a big ass brownie. Now, I wasn't even hungry, but having the brownies in the house pretty much negates any willpower I might have. Again, it teaches me that I can't be trusted to have shit in the house. This morning I was up 2 pounds from yesterday. That's a result of the ice cream from Saturday night. I'm scared for tomorrow morning because I'll see the results of the brownies and pudding I had last night. I need to refocus tomorrow. After all, I can't be as big as a house for my next date with Sean (on Thursday). He'll dump me quicker than you can say "fat ass."

Can I talk about inconsiderate people for a moment? Yeah, this is about work, where I work with nothing but people who are nothing but self-involved that they don't think of the effect their actions might have on others. I sit near a supervisor who decided that her hair wasn't doing what it was supposed to do today. So, at her desk, she emptied a bottle of cheap smelling hairspray onto her head. While normally I wouldn't give a crap, the cheap stuff she used was floral based and I had an immediate allergic reaction to it. My eyes became all glassy, my head started throbbing and my skin started turning red. And I got to sit there and breathe it in all day. I left work three hours ago and my right eye is still itchy and dry, but the headache is nearly gone and I only have a couple of red blotches on my cheeks. Is it asking too much to wish she would have gone into the restroom to do her hair up? Am I out of line for wishing that?

Coming Soon

Sunday

It's Sunday night and I just finished dinner. I'm stuffed. I made a chicken, sweet potatoes, peas and dinner rolls. I tried not to overdo it, but I'm sitting here contemplating passing out. The sweet potatoes I bought were HUGE and I think that's part of my problem, because I ate the whole damn thing. And to make matters worse, I overdid it with dessert. I made a brownie/chocolate pudding sundae. I made up a thing of Trader Joe's brownies this morning and I wanted one, but I also wanted pudding, so I had both. Thank god I had a positive weigh in this morning because I'm going to be fighting the rest of the week to keep things in check. Actually, today's weigh in was a milestone. It's the first time I had three consecutive weeks where I weighed in in the 180s. This week and last were both 189, but the week before was 188. I was surprised as hell today considering I got a pint of ice cream last night and devoured more than half the calories I'm supposed to eat in a day in a matter of minutes.

I know it's Oscar night, but I really don't care. I have the Amazing Race and the finale of Confessions of a Teen Idol. Rock of Love 3 isn't on tonight, which is fine.

As for tasks I hoped to accomplish this weekend (okay, there was just one), I managed to dig out my Secret Society of Super-Villains from the bedroom closet and I got 4 issues in before I took an afternoon nap. I hoped to read all 15 issues, but it didn't happen. I'm giving myself the rest of the week to finish them up. They're just as cheesily bad as I remember them, and by that I mean they're AWESOME!

Sexy People

Damn you, Taylor, for finding and blogging about this blog. I blame you for taking my Sunday morning away from me.

Friday Night

I don't know why I'm still awake and playing on the computer. It's been a long day. It felt longer than usual. Fridays, for the most part, fly for me. At work, a lot of people are either off on Fridays or have a half day on Fridays and the office gets quiet around lunchtime. When it's quiet, it's easy to hunker down and get as much done with limited interruption. For some reason, though, today dragged. And dragged. And dragged. By lunch, I was ready to fall asleep. Not good. Not good at all. That just made the afternoon drag even slower. I suppose I was due, though. This whole week flew by in the blink of an eye.

Although he's been quiet lately, the Conspiracy Theorist that I sit next to was actually on fire today. It's like he saved up all of his insane ramblings and they just erupted today. Since it's been a while, I purposefully listened in on his rants for just a little bit until I couldn't tak any more of it. One of his rants had to do with the goings on in Austin, TX. Naturally I emailed the only man I've ever truly loved to fill him in. In return, I got the true story upon which the rantings were based. It is good to know that some of his theories are based in reality. Now, is anyone out there from Oklahoma City because I got an earful about the goings on there, too.

I'm not one to listen to movie (or television) scores, but tonight I've been listening to the score from the show TORCHWOOD and I'm really, really getting into it. I don't know if it's just my mood or what, but I'm finding it really relaxing and enjoyable. I think it's better than the current DOCTOR WHO score (Series 4).

I'm so happy it's the weekend. I have no real plans and that makes me happy. I'm sure we'll probably go out to lunch tomorrow to make up for us not going out to dinner tonight. Ken called a little after lunch to tell me he wasn't feeling good at all. Sounds like he got what I had two Fridays ago when I went home early from work. A stomach thing has been going around. He came home, crashed on the couch for a couple of hours and now is feeling better. It's rare that we miss a Friday night out to dinner, though I wasn't bothered by it at all this week. I wasn't really all that hungry when work was done today, so it's probably for the best.

If I can find the energy to move comic boxes tomorrow, I'm going to dig out my run of Secret Society of Super-Villains and re-read it. Sean has inspired me. I kind of wish this was available in trade paperback format, though, because that would be easier to dig out.

Walt Needs....

I stole this from the ever adorable Kevin:

Google your name and the word "needs" in quotes ("Walt needs") and see what you get.

List the first 7 entries.

1) Walt needs a slumpbuster.

2) Walt needs us.

3) Walt needs a Memorial.

4) Walt needs to see this.

5) Walt needs your help now.

6) Walt needs some Euro flavor.

7) Walt needs to abandon naive 'coincidence theories' and realize that certain long-term policy trends -- those which extend over multiple administrations -- are very carefully planned behind the scenes by very powerful players.

Dear Aretha,

Dear 1960's super fierce Atlantic Records Aretha Franklin,

Thank you for being my constant companion this week. I've really had a good time hanging out with you. However, the 2000's super fat Hat Wearing Aretha Franklin has been inside me forcing me to do bad things like eat chocolate chip muffins, Kit Kats, Reese's Pieces, mini Mr. Goodbars and other things I'm supposed to be avoiding. Can you talk to her about maybe chilling out a bit?

Love,
Walt

How Did It Get To Be Wednesday Already?

I love these fake Monday holidays. What was it this week? President's Day or some such bullshit? It means a day off of work and the rest of the week becomes a blur because you're convinced it's actually Monday when it's Tuesday, Tuesday when it's Wednesday, etc. etc. It feels like it still should be Tuesday and I'm not complaining about that. If only every week could be like that. I used to hate the Monday holidays back when I worked retail. Mondays were sheer hell until about dinner time when every state worker felt the need to descend on the store and be ultra needy. There was something about these holidays that brought out the needy in people. In the twenty years I worked retail, I could never quite figure it out I still wonder about it. The only thing I could figure, and I'm sure I'm way off, is that without the normal Monday structure, everyone was lost and couldn't think for themselves. I mean, it's as good a reason as any, right?

I'm starting to get overwhelmed by television. Right now it seems like there's too much on tv for me to watch. I have something on almost every night of the week now. And most all of it is pure trash. I Love Money 2 (which, I'm sad to say, I think is my favorite show right now), American Idol, The Biggest Loser, Lost, Top Chef, Survivor, Hell's Kitchen, Confessions Of A Teen Idol, Rock of Love 3, the Celebrity Apprentice (starting soon), Guiding Light.... Almost everything I watch is a reality show right now. Scripted stuff doesn't really hold my attention unless it's really good, like Lost, or trashy fun like Guiding Light. I've been watching that show since I was in elementary school. It would be on when I got home from school and I'd watch it with my mom. Then I found I was still watching it even if my mother wasn't around. I tend to come and go when it comes to my soaps, but right now it's been pretty damn good. Phillip Spaulding is back in town and things are heating up. Like you care.... Anyway, there's getting to be too much tv on that I want to watch. I'm learning not to watch things live and that saves time. For instance, last night's American Idol (the first one I've watched this season, incidentally. The auditioning process is too annoying for me to watch anymore) was a two hour show that I managed to watch in about 20 minutes. Same thing goes for the Biggest Loser. That's another two hour show that I can get through in about 30 minutes. And the VH-1 shows are notoriously commercial heavy. Even without fast forwarding through the action, a one hour show is probably 35 minutes tops.

I had lunch today with my friend Sean. This was our third date and I felt terrible about it. I've been in a not-so-good place for the last few days and I was afraid my mood was going to bring things down. So, in the neurotic way that's charmingly me, I shot him an email right after lunch apologizing for ruining what should have been an otherwise fun time. Of course he sent me a virtual bitch slap and then I felt all better. Sean's such a stand up guy, he's a lot of fun to be around and I'm so happy we're becoming good friends. One of the things I wanted to talk about was arranging a double date night so that we could meet each other's spouses. The hour (AGAIN!) slipped away in about 20 minutes and it didn't happen. When I got back to the office, I got picked on a little only because I never go out to lunch. But I'm training my girls. One of them, rather than picking on me asked if I was out on another "boy date." For some reason "boy date" cracks me up. That's what I've been referring to my lunches out as.

As I just mentioned, I've been in a not-so-good place for the last few days. I really didn't realize how upset and stressed out I've been until I noticed the effect it's been having on my health. When I get to where I am right now, I've got certain health issues that present themselves that usually lie dormant most of the time. When things start happening at work or when I'm out shopping, I get really nervous. And that's been happening. Sorry to be so vague, but while I tend not too hold back here too much, I don't really feel the need to broadcast every single thing that's wrong with me. Hell, maybe it'll be fun to guess what the hell is going on with me and post your guesses in the comments section. Anyway, that being said, I need to look out for my own well being. I'm trying to remove myself from situations that are causing the stress and anxiety. While I don't need the things that make me feel like shit about myself (and who does), I absolutely don't need the things that are causing the stress to mainfest in my physical being.

And before I forgot, I have a special message for Ricci and for Candy. You two..... (This is where I point and shake my finger at you both) You really know how to take a shitso day and turn it around. ::Great Big Hugs::

I don't know why, but I never allow myself to sleep. I'm walking through life feeling run down and tired all the time and it's because I don't get enough sleep. This morning, for instance. It's Sunday and I set the alarm to go off at 5:30. Was there any place I needed to be? No. Was there anything I needed to do? No. I did get up to go walking and grocery shopping, but I didn't need to get up that early to do it. It's 8:30 now and I'm done with all the things I wanted to do. The rest of the day is a blank slate now and I do like the idea of that. I'll bet I pass out this afternoon when I sit down to read.

Yesterday was a day I was actually planning on sleeping in. For real. But Ken wanted to take a road trip to the closest Trader Joe's. We don't have one here in Albany, but there's one about an hour and forty-five minutes away in Hadley, Mass. It was a nice day for a drive, so I agreed. It seems kind of foolish to drive nearly two hours to go to a grocery store, doesn't it? I loved what I saw there, however. People lucky enough to have a local Trader Joe's are always singing it's praises and I can understand why now. They've got a really cool mix of things. We loaded up on all sorts of things (including hummus, like you'd have to ask.) Almost directly next door is a Whole Foods, another store we don't have here, but I'd love to have. I wasn't very impressed by the store. I'm not sure if it was the store, though, or the clientele. Everyone seemed to either have a stick firmly placed up their ass or a brood of unruly children that they refused to keep in check. All I know is I was feeling increasingly uptight as we shopped the aisles and was so happy to finally be out of there. All in all it was a fun shopping trip. I'm glad we went.

I got the biggest surprise when we got home from the trip. I asked Ken if he would please clean the bathroom (a job I just hate more than anything) and not only did he agree to do it, but he also helped me clean some of the rest of the house. I know it was all motivated by guilt. He does any amazing job of trashing the house, but he rarely lifts a finger to pick up. I'm left to do the bulk of the housework. What I find funny about all this is Ken does a much better job of cleaning than I do. I'm okay at cleaning (and you'd think I'd be better considering I'm the only one who does clean), but he's great. We've been in our house for 5 or 6 years now and yesterday was the first time that he vaccuumed the stairs. Don't think he didn't make a point of letting me know that, either. Because he did. A BIG point about it.

I don't know what's going on today, but tomorrow I'm looking forward to more than any other day this weekend. First of all, it's a day off of work, which is a huge plus, but Ken's planning on going in to his office to catch up on work. I live for these days when I have the day to myself. I thrive on solitude. It'll give me a chance to recharge my batteries. I've worn myself to the ground lately and I need a day. Now I'm trying not to get my hopes up for the solitude only because Ken makes these plans all the time. He actually makes it in to work maybe 1 out of every 8 times he says he's going in. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A Love Clip For Valentine's Day