Just another mish mash post of things on my mind.
Thanksgiving came and went and was much easier on me than I thought it would be. It's the first major holiday without Mom, so it was definitely weird. I had my Dad and sister up for the day. I cooked us up the full spread. I knew Mom would have loved it. I know she absolutely loved coming up to my house for the holidays because she didn't have to cook and clean. And I never gave her food poisoning.
The day itself was good, but after Dad and Tina left and I went down to my office while Ken napped, I found that I was getting really, really sad and depressed. I thought about it quite a bit and realized that I'm still trying to be strong for everyone and only when I'm alone am I allowing myself to feel it. It's no longer a conscious effort, either, because I really wasn't trying to put on a brave face, I just did.
Ken was gung ho to put up the Christmas decorations this weekend, but I just wasn't feeling it. At all. It's not that I'm hating the holidays, but I'm just feeling very blah about them. Something in my head clicked tonight, though, and I dug out all the Christmas stuff and put up both the trees. And I actually had a good time doing it. So much so that I wanted to run out and buy some new ornaments. The ones we use on the "upstairs" tree are old and I'm kind of getting bored with them. I'm quite perplexed as to how I did a 180 on Christmas, but I'm very happy I did. Maybe tomorrow night after work I'll run out and look at stuff.
I was very proud of myself this long weekend when it came to eating. I kept things under control (for the most part), while maintaining a gym routine. The scale would raise an eyebrow at me, but it didn't swear or belittle me once. And then there was today. I don't feel like I ate a lot, but I did have a few drinkie drinks and I'm feeling like I ate three whole Thanksgiving dinners right now. I had the leftover pizza I brought home from the restaurant for lunch and some leftover turkey and a sweet potato for dinner. But I feel enormous right now. I have a feeling tomorrow is the day the scale loses it's shit with me.
I need to get my attitude back in check for work tomorrow. I've been letting everything little thing get to me and it's made my days pretty horrible. I've had almost an entire week off and I hope that's enough.
The worst part of having five days off in a row from work is about this time of night on Sunday. It's where I start thinking about all the things I planned on doing while I was off and how little of what I wanted to do got done.
I think I'm going to see Aimee Mann when she hits the area again. She's coming near the end of January. I'm looking forward to it. She puts on a great show and it's been maybe three or four years since I've seen her.
Time to go check and see if Amazing Race has started yet. Football ran over... AGAIN! If not, I need to shave this nasty scruff I've got all over my face.