Self Improvement

I let negativity in too easily and find it hard to let go of. I let myself get so easily defeated over everything. These are two things I'm constantly working on improving about myself, but it's hard. I've had 45 years of perfecting this behavior. It's going to take a long time to break it.

Today was my root canal. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I wanted it done, but I didn't want to deal with the unpleasantness of the procedure. But I sucked it up, tried to put on my big boy pants and just do it. I have to say that this was probably the single most pleasant dental experiences I've ever had. The dentist was great, he actually listened to me and he did a great job. He numbed me up better than I've even been before. I didn't feel a thing. I was prepared for feeling pain, so I spent most of my time in the chair tensed up. I wish I had more faith in him and let myself relax, but I think that can happen next time.

After the dentist, I came home, vegged out a bit and then decided to hit the gym. I figured that if my mouth was going to hurt and make me not want to go, it would be later. So I took advantage of still being all numbed up. By the time I was finished, I was starting to feel my face again. I was told to try avoid eating until I could feel again so I didn't accidentally eat my tongue or face. So after the gym, Ken and I headed to the diner to eat. I was hesitant to put any pressure on the right side of my mouth, but I took a little bite here and a little bite there. There was no sharp pain shooting through my head. I was so relieved. Until... I took a big gulp of iced tea and then I had the same shooting pain I've had for weeks. I don't even know how this is possible. The nerve in that tooth is gone. I should be feeling nothing. It really turned my mood around from a really good one to a really horrible one. All I kept thinking to myself is that no matter what, I can't win.

After we got home from the diner, I set about making my lunch for work tomorrow. I bring a big ol' salad every day. I had an idea while I was making it. I took a cold piece of chicken and held it on my root canalled tooth. I felt nothing. I then held it on the crowned tooth next to it and I instantly felt shooting pain. I tried this two more times just to be sure. The crowned tooth that's giving me problems has been giving me problems since before I got the crown. My dentist insisted that a crown was all I needed to fix that tooth. After the crown was on, the tooth still hurt. Not knowing how things worked, I just assumed that I was going to need a new crown and insurance certainly wasn't going to cover that, so I just ignored it. Only recently did I find out that a root canal could be done right through a crown. So it's been in the back of my head that I need to address this sooner or later. Turns out that I'm going to need to address it sooner rather than later. I've been living with the cold sensitivity for weeks now. I'll be able to handle it a few more weeks.

I spent a while this afternoon just trying to shake the "oh woe is me" funk I allowed myself to fall into. Figuring out that it was not the tooth I had worked on today helped a little. I forced myself to get up and go out for a walk. I needed to get out of the house and walk some of my frustration off. I'm glad I did. Although I'm not doing cartwheels and singing songs about how wonderful the world is, my mood is definitely getting better. I'm still learning how to process things and not let them get me down. I'm doing better than I used to, but I still have a long way to go.