I don't want to let this go for another week or so without doing anything with it. I know me and I know that if I don't push myself, it's going to happen again.
It's Thursday and I can tell it's Thursday just by the way I feel. I'm wiped out. I stayed up too late last night watching trash tv (Real World/Road Rules Challenge) and didn't get enough sleep before the alarm went off at 5:15. Add to that the constant battle between Ollie and Lucy last night and I'm a little more tired than usual. Ollie always sleeps in the bed with us. Every night. It's rare when he's not there. Lucy likes to sleep there, too, though only occasionally. Last night she wanted to sleep with me and she did. But then Ollie gets all douchey and attacks her until she leaves. This happened at least three seperate times that I can remember last night. Lucy runs away and then comes back a little while later, falls asleep, Ollie pulls a douche bag move and she's gone again. This wouldn't be so bad, but Lucy curls right up next to me or on top of me, so when Ollie attacks, the fight takes place right on top of me. Hurrah.
The last week or so, I've been thinking about some friends I used to hang out with back in the early 90s. They up and moved away back in 94, I believe and we've, for the most part, lost touch over the years. It happens. Anyway, I've been thinking about them and wondering where they are now. It never occured to me until last night to look on Facebook for them. I spend hours on the stupid site, I don't know why I never thought of it. And sure enough, a quick search turned up three of them. I like how easy Facebook has made it to reconnect with people. Much better than myspace. Speaking of which, I should just cancel that account. I never go there anymore (except to one musician's page) and generally don't like it. But cancelling would require me going there in the first place. I'm lazy.
Saturday is Free Comic Book Day and I've got plans to hit the local shop with my friend Sean. I was torn, though, because my friend Todd is going to be signing at another store a short drive away and I want to go see him. Luckily, it looks like I'll be able to do both. Sean's got plans for early Saturday afternoon and Todd is going to be signing until mid afternoon. I'm pretty excited about it. Todd is one of my best friends in the entire world and has been for years. We just never seem to find the time to see each other, though, and that pisses me off. Mostly because I'm so lazy and don't make the effort. I really need to work on that. Seriously.
Survivor is coming on shortly. My Thursday night routine is about to start. My friend Sharon will call me in about 15 minutes, we'll talk until Survivor comes on and then talk during the commercial breaks. Then I'm off to bed after because I'm so beat.
4.30.2009
4.27.2009
Two Weeks
Okay, it's been two full weeks since my last real blogpost. It really doesn't seem like that. I'd say a week tops. I've never let it slide that long before. It wasn't on purpose, it just happened. I've had a bunch of things going on and I realized that they were really taxing me. I know that when I have too much stuff going on, I tend to shut down and that's apparently what's happened, even though I didn't realize it. I've had the hardest time keeping in touch with people, I've not been blogging, I've fallen way behind on my blog reading. Looking back over the last two weeks, I've spent about the same amount of time on line as I normally do, so it's not that I haven't had the time. I've been playing at Facebook, taking the various stupid quizzes and gifting virtual junk to people and updating my status and posting pictures of my sneakers. I've been playing with my iTunes. I've talked about this before, how I'll start organizing things and before I know it, four days have passed. I should be embarrased to admit this, but I spent two full nights organizing and reorganizing all my Cher songs. And that's just my Cher songs, not my Sonny & Cher songs. Yes, I'm that pathetic, but if you've read this blog before, you already knew this. And you know what? I had the best time doing it. It was an escape for me and I needed it.
So what's been going on the last couple of weeks? Well, a few things. House things. Relationship Things. Social Things. Health Things.
House Things: I'm laying this all on Ken because he's the more pro-active one in this department. I'm too laid back and none of this would ever happen if I was in charge. Ken wants to sell the house next year and get into a new house. A better house in a better neighborhood. I want to do this, too, don't get me wrong, but if left up to me, it wouldn't happen anytime in the near future. I HATE moving more than anything. I'd be just as happy to stay where we're at for the forseeable future. But I'm also from the school of CHANGE IS BAD. But I agree that we need to be in a new house. Our house is from the 1930s, I believe. It was a HUD house when we bought it. Looked like a seriously bad crack den, but we both saw the potential in it. We had the energy and the drive to fix it. Unfortunately, we lost that drive a couple of years in. There are many things that have gone unfixed the six years we've been here. In getting ready to sell the house, we are going to need to address these issues. The housing market is tough right now and we really can't afford to let any of these things slide if we want to get a decent price for the house. The thought of all the disruption to our lives is freaking me out. Seriously freaking me out. We need to have our floors redone. When we bought the house, this was one of the things on our list that we ran out of time for. Area rugs do wonders when your floors look like shit. Our ceilings are all in disrepair. At one time prior to us buying the house, there were a bunch of pipe leaks. We did have the ceilings patched, but nothing since then. Our downstairs ceilings are going to need to be redone. The rooms are all going to need a fresh coat of paint. We have two full bathrooms in the house, but both are miniscule in size. The upstairs bathroom is a disaster. That's the larger one and the one we use 99.9% fo the time. Bathrooms are a huge selling feature and this one is enough to turn potential buyers off. We're going to need to give it a complete makeover. The ceilings upstairs all need a quick once over. The floors upstairs need to be addressed as well. We're not sure if we have those redone or just carpeted. The basement needs attention. The front porch needs attention. Luckily we have a year to accomplish this, but just thinking about it make my stomach churn. We had good intentions when we bought this house, but good intentions lead straight to hell. The next house will not be from the 1930s. If we can swing it, we'd love to build. If not, we want a newer house. It's still too soon to figure that stuff out, but we've been kind of looking at what's out there now. If I make it out of this whole process without an ulcer, it will be a sucess!!!
Relationship Things: It's no secret that our Governor has reintroduced a gay marriage bill. We've got a Democratic majority in NY right now, so the odds that something like this might pass is better than it's ever been, but I'm still not convinced it's going to happen. There are just enough Democratic douchebags in power right now that are against this. Supposedly there are some Republicans who will vote for it, however. I don't know if it's going to be enough, but I can still hope. Anyway, there was so much talk of this in the news that it weighed heavy on my mind. So heavy, in fact, that I did something way out of character for me. Rather than agonize over every detail, ever scenario, every iota first, I asked Ken if it became legal, would he marry me. I got caught up in the moment. In my perfect world, he would say yes, the bill would pass and we'd go down to town hall and make it legal. End of story. But this is what happens when I get caught up in the moment. I don't think of things from Ken's perspective. So here's how things happened. I got caught up in the moment, asked him, he said YES and I thought that was that. Until the next day. Ken spent most of the night wide awake in bed planning things. He said his mind was going a mile a minute all night. He was trying to work out a guest list for the event. He was thinking about where he wanted to have the ceremony. Where he wanted the reception. Did he want it local? Did he want a destination? Apparently he wants a big ta-do. He's requested estimates from a number of places including the Ritz Carlton Orlando and DisneyWorld. He's thinking of having a ceremony in Germany at EPCOT and a reception inside the Great Movie Ride at Disney Hollywood Studios. He's planning on inviting every single person he's ever met. This is the complete opposite of what I want. I want a quiet little ceremony at Town Hall, get my certificate suitable for framing and then life back to normal. I've been chastized for "not knowing Ken well enough." And this is precisely why I try not to act in the moment. When I don't think things out completely and fully, this is what happens. While I think going to Disney and doing something like this is kind of cool, I absolutely HATE the idea of being in the spotlight. I have since rescinded my offer of marriage, but he's not having it. So I guess I'm engaged and stressed out about where that's going to lead.
Social Things: I can't believe this, but I've had social obligations the last few weekends. "Social obligations" sounds so negative and I don't mean it to be. I've actually gotten out of the house. I posted about my double date with Sean & Jeffrey a couple of posts ago. I also posted about my one-on-one comic con date with Sean. Last weekend Ken and I headed to Woodstock to hang out with our friends Lynn & Lori. They were looking for some landscaping advice from Ken, so that was as good as an excuse as any to go hang with them. It's been too long. That night we ended out at dinner and had a brush with reality television. The restaurant we went to is owned by one of the contestants from that bad show (that I didn't watch, but still...) Married By America. I think it was on Fox a number of years ago. He was there and tending bar. Too bad it wasn't owned by someone cooler (like Becky Buckwild), but it was still a brush with reality tv. I'm one step closer to being on Survivor now.
This weekend we had plans with cute Eric and his husband. They drove up from the city and we drove down from here and met about half-way. It was the first beautiful weekend of the year (FINALLY!!). Sunny and in the 80s. Amazing. It's been months since I've seen the sun. And I was stoked about not having to wear a jacket. Like always, it seems like we stepped straight out of winter and directly into summer. I'm sure we'll have a spring day in a couple of months. Not that I'm complaining. I love this weather. It's only going to suck bad when it ricochets us back from the 80s to the 50s. Ugh. That's when everyone gets sick.
Anyway, the boys drove up and met us and we had a great day together. I made Ken come up with a list of things we could do and presented it to them. What we ended up doing is visiting the Roosevelt mansion in Hyde Park. I did this once, years ago when I was in my early teens. I didn't really remember much about the place, so it was mostly new to me. I love doing tours like this. As much as I love history, I don't really do much about learning about it. Books tend to be too dry and I don't ever seem to find the time to watch the History Channel. But I'm fascinated by it. And especially going to experience it hands on. I love seeing how people lived and try imagining it. We all had a great time.
For lunch, Ken researched vegetarian restaurants since the boys aren't meat eaters. I'm sure it gets annoying for them when they go to normal restaurants having to search out the vegetarian fare on the menus. We ended up in Rosendale at the Rosendale Cafe. I ended up with some sort of rice burger that I need to tell you was one of the most amazing things I've eaten in a long time. Delicious. I'm sure the fact that it was dripping with cheese didn't hurt! I used to live just outside of Rosendale and I don't know that I ever spent more than 10 minutes in it ever. I didn't realize what a hippie little town it was. Very tiny town, but it makes Woodstock seem like Albany. Hippier per square inch, it seems. We also bummed around New Paltz for a little bit and more importantly had ice cream. It's been a long time since I've had ice cream and trust me, I paid for it on the scale this week. But it was worth every bite.
It was great hanging out with Eric and Comic Boy. We (and by we, I mean me, mostly) need to motivate and go hang out with them in the City more often. They're such good guys.
On the down side, socially speaking, my online friend Diane is going to be in NYC next weekend and I really, really, really want to meet her. She's from Austin, TX and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of knowing. I've been trying to figure a way that I can swing it financially, and I just can't do it. I'm really bummed out by it. The one up side, if there is one, is she's from Austin and I know a few people out there, so the possibility of meeting her there is not out.
Health Things: Well, I'm off from work today. I needed to have some blood work done for my doctor's appointment next week and didn't see the need to work at all. So today has been mine. I've been working my ass off at work and deserved today. Next week's appointment is a simple one. I'm having my cholesterol checked again. The last time I had it checked was the first time in a long time that all my numbers were in the "normal" range. My cholesterol has been just over the line into the lower end of high for quite a while. I'm hoping that the last time wasn't just a fluke. If it's still in the normal range, I'm hoping I don't need to have it checked again for a while. I'm kind of getting sick of going back repeatedly. The last time I had blood work done, all my numbers were in the normal range with one small exception. My sugar was something like one point above normal. I was told not to worry about it. What I had for dinner the night before could have been enough to bump it up. We'll see if that's back in check this time, too.
In the last week or so, I've been having some problems. My sciatic nerve has started acting up again. It's pissing me off because the weather has finally changed to where I can get out there and walk again. It seems that every few months it starts giving me trouble. Last time it calmed down on it's own. I'm hoping it does the same this time. I really don't want to be on medication for anything. But if that's not bad enough, this weekend my foot started bothering me. I'm feeling pain whenever I walk. I can't tell if it's another neuroma that's giving me trouble or if it's joint pain. Again, I'm hoping it calms down in the next day or so. Luckily I do have a doctor's appointment next week, so I can talk to my doctor if it hasn't calmed down by then. It's just killing me that now that the weather is perfect for getting out there and walking, my body is betraying me. Again. I can't stand that my body is doing this to me. I'm only 42 years old. I shouldn't be having all these aches and pains.
Oh, and that reminds me of one other thing. Actually two, but they're kind of connected. Since my last real blog post, I got notified that my 25th High School Reunion was coming up this summer. I didn't go to my 20th (hell, I wasn't invited my my 20th or any of the others, actually), but I was told by my friend Maria that I don't have a choice in the matter of this one. So I told her to start bullying me already. I'm not quite sure why I'm going to this one. I didn't really have too many friends in high school. Most of the ones I had were in either the class before me or the class after me. There are some people I'm anxious in seeing though, so hopefully they show. I do need to tell you that the second I got the email about the reunion, my stomach turned sour. I just don't do social well and this is going to be uncomfortable. But I'm going to do it whether it kills me or not.
And how talking about my aches and pains brought this up. Through the wonder of Facebook, I've managed to reconnect with a lot of people from the past, as well as meet new people. I've recently gotten in touch with someone who fits both categories. This guy Jon from high school recently friended me. I knew who he was when I saw the request. But I found it odd because we didn't know each other in school. I remembered him but I'm not sure if he knew who I was. We had a little contact a couple of years ago when he emailed me out of the blue after seeing my profile on our high school website. But recently we've been talking and getting to know each other and it's been fun. He just posted a note about how he kicked cancer for the second time. Reading something like that really forces you to look at things in a different light. Yeah, I've got foot and sciatic problems and there are times when I want to scream and cut my leg off, but neither are going to cost me my life. Jon's fought back from cancer. Two different times. I feel ashamed for complaining.
Damn, this is going to be long, but I'm all caught up and I feel damn good about it. I wish this didn't take me as long to write as it did, but now that I'm done, I'm heading outside. It's 82 degrees right now and sunny. Can you say "nap in the backyard?"
So what's been going on the last couple of weeks? Well, a few things. House things. Relationship Things. Social Things. Health Things.
House Things: I'm laying this all on Ken because he's the more pro-active one in this department. I'm too laid back and none of this would ever happen if I was in charge. Ken wants to sell the house next year and get into a new house. A better house in a better neighborhood. I want to do this, too, don't get me wrong, but if left up to me, it wouldn't happen anytime in the near future. I HATE moving more than anything. I'd be just as happy to stay where we're at for the forseeable future. But I'm also from the school of CHANGE IS BAD. But I agree that we need to be in a new house. Our house is from the 1930s, I believe. It was a HUD house when we bought it. Looked like a seriously bad crack den, but we both saw the potential in it. We had the energy and the drive to fix it. Unfortunately, we lost that drive a couple of years in. There are many things that have gone unfixed the six years we've been here. In getting ready to sell the house, we are going to need to address these issues. The housing market is tough right now and we really can't afford to let any of these things slide if we want to get a decent price for the house. The thought of all the disruption to our lives is freaking me out. Seriously freaking me out. We need to have our floors redone. When we bought the house, this was one of the things on our list that we ran out of time for. Area rugs do wonders when your floors look like shit. Our ceilings are all in disrepair. At one time prior to us buying the house, there were a bunch of pipe leaks. We did have the ceilings patched, but nothing since then. Our downstairs ceilings are going to need to be redone. The rooms are all going to need a fresh coat of paint. We have two full bathrooms in the house, but both are miniscule in size. The upstairs bathroom is a disaster. That's the larger one and the one we use 99.9% fo the time. Bathrooms are a huge selling feature and this one is enough to turn potential buyers off. We're going to need to give it a complete makeover. The ceilings upstairs all need a quick once over. The floors upstairs need to be addressed as well. We're not sure if we have those redone or just carpeted. The basement needs attention. The front porch needs attention. Luckily we have a year to accomplish this, but just thinking about it make my stomach churn. We had good intentions when we bought this house, but good intentions lead straight to hell. The next house will not be from the 1930s. If we can swing it, we'd love to build. If not, we want a newer house. It's still too soon to figure that stuff out, but we've been kind of looking at what's out there now. If I make it out of this whole process without an ulcer, it will be a sucess!!!
Relationship Things: It's no secret that our Governor has reintroduced a gay marriage bill. We've got a Democratic majority in NY right now, so the odds that something like this might pass is better than it's ever been, but I'm still not convinced it's going to happen. There are just enough Democratic douchebags in power right now that are against this. Supposedly there are some Republicans who will vote for it, however. I don't know if it's going to be enough, but I can still hope. Anyway, there was so much talk of this in the news that it weighed heavy on my mind. So heavy, in fact, that I did something way out of character for me. Rather than agonize over every detail, ever scenario, every iota first, I asked Ken if it became legal, would he marry me. I got caught up in the moment. In my perfect world, he would say yes, the bill would pass and we'd go down to town hall and make it legal. End of story. But this is what happens when I get caught up in the moment. I don't think of things from Ken's perspective. So here's how things happened. I got caught up in the moment, asked him, he said YES and I thought that was that. Until the next day. Ken spent most of the night wide awake in bed planning things. He said his mind was going a mile a minute all night. He was trying to work out a guest list for the event. He was thinking about where he wanted to have the ceremony. Where he wanted the reception. Did he want it local? Did he want a destination? Apparently he wants a big ta-do. He's requested estimates from a number of places including the Ritz Carlton Orlando and DisneyWorld. He's thinking of having a ceremony in Germany at EPCOT and a reception inside the Great Movie Ride at Disney Hollywood Studios. He's planning on inviting every single person he's ever met. This is the complete opposite of what I want. I want a quiet little ceremony at Town Hall, get my certificate suitable for framing and then life back to normal. I've been chastized for "not knowing Ken well enough." And this is precisely why I try not to act in the moment. When I don't think things out completely and fully, this is what happens. While I think going to Disney and doing something like this is kind of cool, I absolutely HATE the idea of being in the spotlight. I have since rescinded my offer of marriage, but he's not having it. So I guess I'm engaged and stressed out about where that's going to lead.
Social Things: I can't believe this, but I've had social obligations the last few weekends. "Social obligations" sounds so negative and I don't mean it to be. I've actually gotten out of the house. I posted about my double date with Sean & Jeffrey a couple of posts ago. I also posted about my one-on-one comic con date with Sean. Last weekend Ken and I headed to Woodstock to hang out with our friends Lynn & Lori. They were looking for some landscaping advice from Ken, so that was as good as an excuse as any to go hang with them. It's been too long. That night we ended out at dinner and had a brush with reality television. The restaurant we went to is owned by one of the contestants from that bad show (that I didn't watch, but still...) Married By America. I think it was on Fox a number of years ago. He was there and tending bar. Too bad it wasn't owned by someone cooler (like Becky Buckwild), but it was still a brush with reality tv. I'm one step closer to being on Survivor now.
This weekend we had plans with cute Eric and his husband. They drove up from the city and we drove down from here and met about half-way. It was the first beautiful weekend of the year (FINALLY!!). Sunny and in the 80s. Amazing. It's been months since I've seen the sun. And I was stoked about not having to wear a jacket. Like always, it seems like we stepped straight out of winter and directly into summer. I'm sure we'll have a spring day in a couple of months. Not that I'm complaining. I love this weather. It's only going to suck bad when it ricochets us back from the 80s to the 50s. Ugh. That's when everyone gets sick.
Anyway, the boys drove up and met us and we had a great day together. I made Ken come up with a list of things we could do and presented it to them. What we ended up doing is visiting the Roosevelt mansion in Hyde Park. I did this once, years ago when I was in my early teens. I didn't really remember much about the place, so it was mostly new to me. I love doing tours like this. As much as I love history, I don't really do much about learning about it. Books tend to be too dry and I don't ever seem to find the time to watch the History Channel. But I'm fascinated by it. And especially going to experience it hands on. I love seeing how people lived and try imagining it. We all had a great time.
For lunch, Ken researched vegetarian restaurants since the boys aren't meat eaters. I'm sure it gets annoying for them when they go to normal restaurants having to search out the vegetarian fare on the menus. We ended up in Rosendale at the Rosendale Cafe. I ended up with some sort of rice burger that I need to tell you was one of the most amazing things I've eaten in a long time. Delicious. I'm sure the fact that it was dripping with cheese didn't hurt! I used to live just outside of Rosendale and I don't know that I ever spent more than 10 minutes in it ever. I didn't realize what a hippie little town it was. Very tiny town, but it makes Woodstock seem like Albany. Hippier per square inch, it seems. We also bummed around New Paltz for a little bit and more importantly had ice cream. It's been a long time since I've had ice cream and trust me, I paid for it on the scale this week. But it was worth every bite.
It was great hanging out with Eric and Comic Boy. We (and by we, I mean me, mostly) need to motivate and go hang out with them in the City more often. They're such good guys.
On the down side, socially speaking, my online friend Diane is going to be in NYC next weekend and I really, really, really want to meet her. She's from Austin, TX and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of knowing. I've been trying to figure a way that I can swing it financially, and I just can't do it. I'm really bummed out by it. The one up side, if there is one, is she's from Austin and I know a few people out there, so the possibility of meeting her there is not out.
Health Things: Well, I'm off from work today. I needed to have some blood work done for my doctor's appointment next week and didn't see the need to work at all. So today has been mine. I've been working my ass off at work and deserved today. Next week's appointment is a simple one. I'm having my cholesterol checked again. The last time I had it checked was the first time in a long time that all my numbers were in the "normal" range. My cholesterol has been just over the line into the lower end of high for quite a while. I'm hoping that the last time wasn't just a fluke. If it's still in the normal range, I'm hoping I don't need to have it checked again for a while. I'm kind of getting sick of going back repeatedly. The last time I had blood work done, all my numbers were in the normal range with one small exception. My sugar was something like one point above normal. I was told not to worry about it. What I had for dinner the night before could have been enough to bump it up. We'll see if that's back in check this time, too.
In the last week or so, I've been having some problems. My sciatic nerve has started acting up again. It's pissing me off because the weather has finally changed to where I can get out there and walk again. It seems that every few months it starts giving me trouble. Last time it calmed down on it's own. I'm hoping it does the same this time. I really don't want to be on medication for anything. But if that's not bad enough, this weekend my foot started bothering me. I'm feeling pain whenever I walk. I can't tell if it's another neuroma that's giving me trouble or if it's joint pain. Again, I'm hoping it calms down in the next day or so. Luckily I do have a doctor's appointment next week, so I can talk to my doctor if it hasn't calmed down by then. It's just killing me that now that the weather is perfect for getting out there and walking, my body is betraying me. Again. I can't stand that my body is doing this to me. I'm only 42 years old. I shouldn't be having all these aches and pains.
Oh, and that reminds me of one other thing. Actually two, but they're kind of connected. Since my last real blog post, I got notified that my 25th High School Reunion was coming up this summer. I didn't go to my 20th (hell, I wasn't invited my my 20th or any of the others, actually), but I was told by my friend Maria that I don't have a choice in the matter of this one. So I told her to start bullying me already. I'm not quite sure why I'm going to this one. I didn't really have too many friends in high school. Most of the ones I had were in either the class before me or the class after me. There are some people I'm anxious in seeing though, so hopefully they show. I do need to tell you that the second I got the email about the reunion, my stomach turned sour. I just don't do social well and this is going to be uncomfortable. But I'm going to do it whether it kills me or not.
And how talking about my aches and pains brought this up. Through the wonder of Facebook, I've managed to reconnect with a lot of people from the past, as well as meet new people. I've recently gotten in touch with someone who fits both categories. This guy Jon from high school recently friended me. I knew who he was when I saw the request. But I found it odd because we didn't know each other in school. I remembered him but I'm not sure if he knew who I was. We had a little contact a couple of years ago when he emailed me out of the blue after seeing my profile on our high school website. But recently we've been talking and getting to know each other and it's been fun. He just posted a note about how he kicked cancer for the second time. Reading something like that really forces you to look at things in a different light. Yeah, I've got foot and sciatic problems and there are times when I want to scream and cut my leg off, but neither are going to cost me my life. Jon's fought back from cancer. Two different times. I feel ashamed for complaining.
Damn, this is going to be long, but I'm all caught up and I feel damn good about it. I wish this didn't take me as long to write as it did, but now that I'm done, I'm heading outside. It's 82 degrees right now and sunny. Can you say "nap in the backyard?"
4.24.2009
Wow
It's been almost two weeks since I wrote anything here. It's not on purpose, it's just that the last couple of weeks have been very weird. New stresses that are freaking me out, not being able to manage my time (worse than ever if you can believe it) and actually getting out of the house and doing things. I'm sure I've forgotten almost everything I would have posted about already, but I'll try to pull my thoughts together and actually write something this weekend. I miss just putting my thoughts down here. But for now, I'm off to bed. Big day tomorrow with a cutie from NYC.
4.13.2009
Weekend Round Up
I've got today off and I keep telling myself that just because I do doesn't mean I need to spend it sitting on the computer. So I play for a little while, then go do something like clean the bathroom, then I gravitate right back, thinking of something else I want to do. This time it's a blog entry. So let's get on with it and then maybe I'll go do some laundry. Or maybe not.
I had one of the better weekends I've had in a while. All winter long, most of my weekends have consisted of sitting around the house, not that I'm complaining about it. That's just how it. I find that we tend to do much less in the winter. I'm still in that mindset right now and I need to break myself of it. Saturday started out rather odd. Right around 8am the doorbell rang. I didn't hear it, but Ken did and he decided to ignore it. Then it rang again. This time I heard it and I, too, decided to ignore it. Who the hell shows up at your house at 8am on a Saturday unannounced? After the second ring went unanswered, we heard pounding on the front door. WTF? So Ken gets up and goes down to answer it. About a minute after he went downstairs, he runs back upstairs yelling "get dressed! Carmelina needs us!" Carmelina is our next door neighbor. The other night two firetrucks, a police car and an ambulance ended up in front of our house because something happened to her. She was taken out by ambulance and we still have no idea why. Anyway, she ends up at our doorstep being very incoherent. She's originally from Italy and her English is very hard to understand, even though she's been here more than half her life. She was having trouble walking and was making no sense whatsoever. Ken asked her if she needed a doctor and she said no. We started walking her home when he son came out to get her. All he said was that she was crazy and took her home. She's clearly in the process of losing her mind. I haven't seen her since last fall and she's a different person now. How she managed to get out and over to our house without being noticed BY THE HOUSE FULL OF FAMILY is a mystery to me. At the rate she can walk, it took her a while to get from there to here and then she had to wait for us to answer the door. Welcome to Saturday!
Saturday morning Ken said "Let's go out and look at houses." I wasn't in the mood, but agreed. We want to sell this place next year and move into something a little more modern. Our house is about 80 years old. We'd love something brand new or just a couple of years old, tops. We were too early to go looking in this one development we wanted to check out, but the one across the street was open. The model home we toured was amazing and overwhelming. It was nearly 4000 sq ft. How the hell does someone live in that much room? It was awesome, but even I thought it was waaaay too big. By the time we finished there, the place we wanted to look at was open. Finding a new home is going to be hard because I'm quickly discovering what Ken likes, I don't and what I like, Ken doesn't. We haven't seen anything yet that pleases both of us. We will, sooner or later, but we're still looking.
I tried napping on Saturday afternoon, but Ollie, my needy, needy, needy boy cat made that pretty impossible. His comfort comes first, or so he insists.
Saturday night Ken and I had a double date with my friend Sean and his partner, Jeffrey. This is the first time I met Jeffrey and really the first time Ken's met either. He and Sean met briefly last Sunday just before Sean & I went to the comic convention. We headed over to their house and then out to dinner at one of their favorite places. My biggest dilemma was just how good to be at dinner. I wanted a burger in the worst way, but I had my weigh in Sunday morning and I didn't want to order something that I was going to later regret. So I got a chef's salad and I was quite pleased with myself.
Anyway, if you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I'm a freak when it comes to interacting with new people. I was really getting nervous about meeting Jeffrey. I really had no idea what he was going to be like. Sure, Sean's talked about him, but hearing about him and meeting him are two totally different things. My nervous energy only lasted a very brief time upon getting to their house. Jeffrey is a doll. He's so damn laid back. I don't think I was expecting that.
So the four of us spent the entire night talking about this or that, fun things (comics) and the dullest (cars) and everything else that in between. We were talking about all the places we've lived at one point and I got freaked out by something Sean said. He mentioned one of the places he lived. It happened to be one of the places that Ken and I lived. An apartment complex. If that's not freaky enough, his address was three or four builiding away from our building, a walk of about 45 seconds apart. And if that's not freaky enough, Ken asked "Did you have a rainbow decal in your window?" They did. We were neighbors. Add to that the fact that I believe Sean and I worked in the same plaza at the same time.... We've been unknowingly crossing paths for years.
We had a great time Saturday night. I was up way past my bedtime, too. I let myself sleep in a little later than usual on Sunday before getting up to go walking and grocery shopping.
Last night Ken decided he wanted to show me a special he dvr'd on CNBC about the cruise industry. It was kind of a behind the scenes of the cruise industry thing. It was filmed aboard the same ship we're going to be sailing in at the end of the year. I have to tell you, I wish Ken never showed it to me. If this is what going on a cruise is all about, I have no interest anymore. He's been nagging me to watch it for weeks and now he's regretting it. Please, people who have taken cruises before, please please please tell me cruises are actually fun. Please tell me they aren't all about cheesy Broadway type reviews, ugly middle aged people in discos and over crowded beach excursions. Because that's what I got out of this show. I already told Ken that if that's what it's all about, I'm splitting my time between the room and a deck chair away from people.
Now it's time to go load the dryer and then I'll find another excuse to get back online. Just watch.
I had one of the better weekends I've had in a while. All winter long, most of my weekends have consisted of sitting around the house, not that I'm complaining about it. That's just how it. I find that we tend to do much less in the winter. I'm still in that mindset right now and I need to break myself of it. Saturday started out rather odd. Right around 8am the doorbell rang. I didn't hear it, but Ken did and he decided to ignore it. Then it rang again. This time I heard it and I, too, decided to ignore it. Who the hell shows up at your house at 8am on a Saturday unannounced? After the second ring went unanswered, we heard pounding on the front door. WTF? So Ken gets up and goes down to answer it. About a minute after he went downstairs, he runs back upstairs yelling "get dressed! Carmelina needs us!" Carmelina is our next door neighbor. The other night two firetrucks, a police car and an ambulance ended up in front of our house because something happened to her. She was taken out by ambulance and we still have no idea why. Anyway, she ends up at our doorstep being very incoherent. She's originally from Italy and her English is very hard to understand, even though she's been here more than half her life. She was having trouble walking and was making no sense whatsoever. Ken asked her if she needed a doctor and she said no. We started walking her home when he son came out to get her. All he said was that she was crazy and took her home. She's clearly in the process of losing her mind. I haven't seen her since last fall and she's a different person now. How she managed to get out and over to our house without being noticed BY THE HOUSE FULL OF FAMILY is a mystery to me. At the rate she can walk, it took her a while to get from there to here and then she had to wait for us to answer the door. Welcome to Saturday!
Saturday morning Ken said "Let's go out and look at houses." I wasn't in the mood, but agreed. We want to sell this place next year and move into something a little more modern. Our house is about 80 years old. We'd love something brand new or just a couple of years old, tops. We were too early to go looking in this one development we wanted to check out, but the one across the street was open. The model home we toured was amazing and overwhelming. It was nearly 4000 sq ft. How the hell does someone live in that much room? It was awesome, but even I thought it was waaaay too big. By the time we finished there, the place we wanted to look at was open. Finding a new home is going to be hard because I'm quickly discovering what Ken likes, I don't and what I like, Ken doesn't. We haven't seen anything yet that pleases both of us. We will, sooner or later, but we're still looking.
I tried napping on Saturday afternoon, but Ollie, my needy, needy, needy boy cat made that pretty impossible. His comfort comes first, or so he insists.
Saturday night Ken and I had a double date with my friend Sean and his partner, Jeffrey. This is the first time I met Jeffrey and really the first time Ken's met either. He and Sean met briefly last Sunday just before Sean & I went to the comic convention. We headed over to their house and then out to dinner at one of their favorite places. My biggest dilemma was just how good to be at dinner. I wanted a burger in the worst way, but I had my weigh in Sunday morning and I didn't want to order something that I was going to later regret. So I got a chef's salad and I was quite pleased with myself.
Anyway, if you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I'm a freak when it comes to interacting with new people. I was really getting nervous about meeting Jeffrey. I really had no idea what he was going to be like. Sure, Sean's talked about him, but hearing about him and meeting him are two totally different things. My nervous energy only lasted a very brief time upon getting to their house. Jeffrey is a doll. He's so damn laid back. I don't think I was expecting that.
So the four of us spent the entire night talking about this or that, fun things (comics) and the dullest (cars) and everything else that in between. We were talking about all the places we've lived at one point and I got freaked out by something Sean said. He mentioned one of the places he lived. It happened to be one of the places that Ken and I lived. An apartment complex. If that's not freaky enough, his address was three or four builiding away from our building, a walk of about 45 seconds apart. And if that's not freaky enough, Ken asked "Did you have a rainbow decal in your window?" They did. We were neighbors. Add to that the fact that I believe Sean and I worked in the same plaza at the same time.... We've been unknowingly crossing paths for years.
We had a great time Saturday night. I was up way past my bedtime, too. I let myself sleep in a little later than usual on Sunday before getting up to go walking and grocery shopping.
Last night Ken decided he wanted to show me a special he dvr'd on CNBC about the cruise industry. It was kind of a behind the scenes of the cruise industry thing. It was filmed aboard the same ship we're going to be sailing in at the end of the year. I have to tell you, I wish Ken never showed it to me. If this is what going on a cruise is all about, I have no interest anymore. He's been nagging me to watch it for weeks and now he's regretting it. Please, people who have taken cruises before, please please please tell me cruises are actually fun. Please tell me they aren't all about cheesy Broadway type reviews, ugly middle aged people in discos and over crowded beach excursions. Because that's what I got out of this show. I already told Ken that if that's what it's all about, I'm splitting my time between the room and a deck chair away from people.
Now it's time to go load the dryer and then I'll find another excuse to get back online. Just watch.
4.10.2009
Fear Me
This was my rough week of the month at work. Rough in the way that this was the week that I had my once-a-month tasks as well as my regular work. None of the tasks are difficult or anything like that, but they can be time consuming. One in particular is extremely time consuming. It's also boring and monotonous. And before I go any further, I need to clarify that I don't mind boring and monotonous. I'm a Taurus and we're infamous for being our high toleration for boring and monotonous routines. So when I say I find something boring and monotonous, you know it has to be painful. I found my mind wandering a lot during this project this week. And I found myself taking a lot of my own inventory, something I think I should do more often, but don't. I don't because I don't always like what I find. This time was different, because not everything I found was bad. Sure, I went through everything I regret ever doing and everything I feel shame about, but I spent a lot of time thinking about hopes and goals and accomplishments, too. I usually don't do that. It's so easy for me to focus on the negative and I wish I could focus more on the positive and good in life.
Now, with that said, this post isn't about finding the happy. I realized I have a lot of things I'm afraid of. That's what this post is about. My fears, whether they're real, perceived or completely irrational.
What are you afraid of?
Now, with that said, this post isn't about finding the happy. I realized I have a lot of things I'm afraid of. That's what this post is about. My fears, whether they're real, perceived or completely irrational.
- I'm deathly afraid that after all the hard work I've done, I'm going to gain back every single pound I lost and then some. I've watched so many people over the years drop a lot of weight only to rebound and put it all back on. I don't want to be that person, but I worry about it every time I eat something. I worry about it every time I step on the scale. I'm afraid that if I let my guard down for a second, it's going to be all over for me. I don't know if having this fear is necessarily a bad thing. It's kept me on track so far and hopefully it will continue to do so. I've managed to pick myself off and get right back to behaving after every misstep I've taken.
- I'm afraid of taking Ken for granted. He's my everything and I don't think I let him know that enough.
- I'm afraid I'm going to be killed in a car crash. I don't know when this started, but I think it's been within the last 15 years. I get little bouts of panic when I'm in the car, especially when I'm the passenger. I'm sure that person coming up to the intersection isn't going to stop at the red light. You know, stuff like that. Or the person driving the car I'm in doesn't see the person in front of them has their brakes on. I know it's all irrational and has everything to do with my control issues, but it doesn't make it any less scary to me.
- I'm afraid of the unknown. I don't like it. Just about anything can fall into this category. For instance, three years ago I switched jobs after fifteen years. I was nearly fetal when this was going on. The night before my first day I couldn't sleep. All during my orientation, I think I was tuned out because I needed to keep my mind on breathing. I was jury duty a few months back and again, I was out of my mind scared. Not only was it a new experience, but it also meant being surrounded by strangers and authority figures. New people scare me. It takes me longer to warm up to new people than it should. Clicking instantly with someone is a rare treat in life and I wish it could happen more. My comfort zone is very small and I keep trying different things in hopes of expanding it.
- I'm afraid of disappointing people. As self-involved and self-serving as I always claim I am, I tend to put others' needs before my own. Ken calls me out on this often. He knows it's hard for me, though, but I'm glad he calls me out on it.
- I'm afraid I'm going to explode one day. Not like "stick of dynamite, blood and guts all over the living room" explode, but "completely lose my shit" explode. I was never really taught how to deal with my emotions when I was growing up other than being told to shut up. I learned how to bury things, though. I'm an expert at that. But that shit always has a way of burrowing up from wherever it's buried. Back in the late 80s, I was dealing with a lot with my sexuality. Although I didn't really officially come out until the early 90s, I knew I was gay back then. I knew I was gay as a pre-teen, I just didn't know there was a name for it then. So I had years and years of that all buried down as far as I could hide it, but there was too much and it managed to come out a couple of times. Those incidents were notorious and were even dubbed with a name by the people who were forced to witness them. Ken and I don't fight, ever, except one time when I exploded and shot just about everything I had buried right at him. That was completely shitty and unfair of me to do. We worked things out and I've been trying to work on that ever since. It's extremely hard for me to not file things away. One of the purposes of this blog is for me to have an outlet for some of it. It does help, but for as much as I talk about here, there's so much more that gets shoved away. But I'm working on it.
What are you afraid of?
4.08.2009
Retreat
Do you have any favorite songs that you seek out as a source of comfort? I know you do. We all do. Today I found myself gravitating back towards this song. I played it four or five times today, using it to try to get my mind off of things.
I've written this post four or five times already. Each time I was either being way to vague and I know that would worry people, or being way too specific and I don't have permission to go into any of it. Not that she reads this, but that's not the point.
Anyway, I know I've posted this video before, but it was a great source of comfort today, so I'm posting it again. And if you like it, head on over to myspace for some new tunes.
I've written this post four or five times already. Each time I was either being way to vague and I know that would worry people, or being way too specific and I don't have permission to go into any of it. Not that she reads this, but that's not the point.
Anyway, I know I've posted this video before, but it was a great source of comfort today, so I'm posting it again. And if you like it, head on over to myspace for some new tunes.
4.07.2009
4.05.2009
Comic Con!!
Yes! This weekend is the Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle, Washington, but that's not the con I'm referring to. Today was also the first Albany Comic Con of the year. This was the third since they started doing them here again, but the first that I was aware of. My good friend Sean mentioned it to me and so we decided to make an afternoon of it. Albany is a very small market and I wasn't expecting too much. The last time I went to a show in Albany was maybe 15 years ago and it was a small room with a couple of dealers and one or two guests. While the show itself was pretty small in scope, it was bigger than I expected. There were quite a few dealers and more than a few pros. Joe Sinnott, Ron Marz, Fred Hembeck, Joe Staton, Herb Trimpe, Ramona Fradon, to name a few. I believe John Cassady was there, too, or at least someone who looked just like him, but he was sitting and drawing (and texting) at one of the dealer's tables.
John Cassady (or an incredible likeness) textingI made my way down to Artist's Alley before I did anything to say "hi" to some of the guys I used to know. Back in the day, I worked at a comic book store and Fred Hembeck and Joe Staton were regulars. So was Ron Marz, but he wasn't a comic writer back then. I had Fred sign my copy of the Nearly Complete Essential Hembeck Archives Omnibus and spent most of my time talking with him.
The Bill and Walt referenced in the autograph are both me.
If my aim was better, this would be a picture of Fred and I
Then it was time to go shopping. It was kind of hard to shop considering the crowd. You had to fight your way in for a spot at the various dealers tables. Being the passive person I am, if I found an in, I would take it, but otherwise I would walk around and people watch. I eventually made my way through everyone's tables, it just took a while. I brought my list of things I was looking for since I never finished uploading it to my iPhone. It was funny to see how many people had their phones out, cross referencing their want lists with the boxes of books.
I didn't spend too much money, but I got more than I counted on. My awesome find of the day was the Golden Age Atom action figure set. Not only did I find it, but I found it for $4. There's nothing I like more than a bargain. I also picked up the first two volumes of The Essential Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe Master Edition, Tarzan #208 (still working on my list of every DC Comic from 1972) and World's Finest #250 (a book I used to own and have been anxious to replace for a number of years).
My loot
I was hoping to find more toys, t-shirts and trade paperbacks, but was pretty happy with the overall selection.
Kid Flash
A Storm Trooper
This was the best shot I was able to get of Black Canary and Poison Ivy
Blade
Sean, shopping
Dealer's Room
Dealer's Room
My dilemma was whether or not to wear a comic themed t-shirt, answered with my choice of fancy footwear instead
The Bill and Walt referenced in the autograph are both me.
If my aim was better, this would be a picture of Fred and IThen it was time to go shopping. It was kind of hard to shop considering the crowd. You had to fight your way in for a spot at the various dealers tables. Being the passive person I am, if I found an in, I would take it, but otherwise I would walk around and people watch. I eventually made my way through everyone's tables, it just took a while. I brought my list of things I was looking for since I never finished uploading it to my iPhone. It was funny to see how many people had their phones out, cross referencing their want lists with the boxes of books.
I didn't spend too much money, but I got more than I counted on. My awesome find of the day was the Golden Age Atom action figure set. Not only did I find it, but I found it for $4. There's nothing I like more than a bargain. I also picked up the first two volumes of The Essential Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe Master Edition, Tarzan #208 (still working on my list of every DC Comic from 1972) and World's Finest #250 (a book I used to own and have been anxious to replace for a number of years).
My lootI was hoping to find more toys, t-shirts and trade paperbacks, but was pretty happy with the overall selection.
Kid Flash
A Storm Trooper
This was the best shot I was able to get of Black Canary and Poison Ivy
Blade
Sean, shopping
Dealer's Room
Dealer's Room
My dilemma was whether or not to wear a comic themed t-shirt, answered with my choice of fancy footwear insteadCross posted here!
4.02.2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)