The Night That Got Away

Tonight got away from me. Don't know how, though. It just did. Now it's bedtime and I didn't accomplish anything. Ack. Maybe tomorrow.


New Low

I stepped on the scale today expecting full well to see something in the neighborhood of 195. I discovered a while ago that whatever I eat on Friday shows up on the scale on Sunday morning. This Friday I had pizza and cake at work and then went out to dinner, even though I wasn't all that hungry. That being said, I was 192.2 lbs. I didn't believe it, so I weighed myself again and got the same result. It's a new record and puts me that much closer to 190. The way I feel right now, I'm sure I'm 210 lbs. Ken and I stopped for lunch today and I got the greasiest fish & chips I've had in a while. It's 7 o'clock and I'm still feeling full from it. I'm dreading seeing the damage on Tuesday morning.

I'm doing much better from yesterday. The cancer that was in my house is now back in New Hampshire. You know, he may be 20 years old now, but he still behaves like he's 12, which is an improvement, believe me, but still. I have no room in my life for a fucking little asshat like Ken's nephew and Ken knows it. If he didn't know the full extent of it before, he knows it now. He's still welcome to have the immature piece of shit come visit if he wants, but he needs to know I want zero involvement with him ever again. ZERO. This most recent visit more than did it for me.



So how is it that I'm the asshole when I get upset that someone comes into my home and calls me a "little bitch" repeatedly, as well as a faggot? How? And apparently, trying to remove myself from the situation makes me the asshole, too.


Going To Bed

But before I do that, I need to report that I just ate pudding. And I'm a happy boy for it.


Monday's Post

What the fuck? Roadrunner has decided to discontinue it's Usenet service effective today. When do I find this out? Today when I tried logging on to Usenet. I think this is a shitty thing for them to do. When I first started out on the internet, Usenet was the place to meet people. I was a frequent contributor to the various gossip groups, some comic book groups, a soap group.... Now it's all gone. Not that I posted with any regularity there in the last few years, but I still read some of the groups. That, and download the new episodes of Doctor Who as they became available. I couldn't wait for the episodes to show up on Sci-Fi (all hacked up and full of commercials). This couldn't have happened at a worst time, either. DW has heated way the fuck up and it's just going to get hotter before the season ends. Two more episodes make up the final story of the season and I'm going to have to figure out another way to get them. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!

Not that anyone cares, but on the weight front, I was down 0.8 lbs today. Naturally this couldn't have been yesterday's weigh in. My plan is to be at 190 (though the thought of 189.9 is very appealing) by the time we go on vacation in September. I'm sure I can do it. It's five (or four) measly pounds.

On the vacation front, I've started talking to the Orlando based folks about a get together. I'm really excited about this and not the least bit scared, but by September, I'll be in the full fetal position, scared shitless. But that's just me. Looks like we already have a restaurant picked out for dinner. It's the same place everyone went to during the Gay Days festivities a couple weeks ago. I'm really anxious to get away and can't wait. My anxiousness kicked up a notch today at work when Michele reminded me that she's leaving for Orlando on Sunday. I'm jealous, but not too jealous since it's going to be busy down there. At least in September, it should be as bad, even taking into consideration the Free Dining Plan that Disney is offering.

I want ice cream. Is that wrong? (The answer is YES, in case you were wondering.)


Sunday Evening

Today's weigh in was 195 pounds. Down one more from last week, still one above my lowest official weight. Yesterday I was 193.5. I really was hoping to hold on to that number, but no such luck.

Walked for the first time in a week today. The nerve is still acting up, but it didn't prevent me from walking. It's weird to hear me say it, but I've missed walking. Imagine that. Me, missing anything even vaguely physical. Who would have ever thunk it?

Keeping this short. I've got this week's Doctor Who waiting for me in the other room. It's the first official one with Rose back. I don't know how it happens, but I'm anxious to see how this plays out.


Quiet Week

It's been a quiet blogging week for me. Not intentional, but it just happened that way. Between surprise company, overtime and being generally exhausted, I just never got around to posting. And I almost just went to bed without writing tonight.

It's been a very unusual week. Everything was off. I took this week off from walking because I'm having a sciatic nerve issue in my ass. It's not incredibly painful or anything like that, but it is annoying. I was figuring that if I took a week off from all my walking, maybe it would start feeling back to normal. Not really, but it was a good idea. I'm going to go out tomorrow morning for a walk and see how it feels. I'm hoping it will be okay.

Without walking, I've been in full-blown panic mode about my weight. Well, so far, so good. I've been very, very good about what I'm eating and it's been working to my advantage. Every day this week, I've come down a little bit. This morning was a great weigh in, but Saturday's always seem to be pretty good, only to be followed up with a disastrous Sunday. I'll let you know specifics tomorrow.

Work has been a fucking joy all week. A little bit of background for the uninformed. I sit in with a unit that I'm sort of part of, but not really. My job is as a floater, so I work with a bunch of different units. Anyway, the unit I sit with is the biggest joke of a unit. One of the people in this unit is probably the worst worker I've ever known in my life. She's got a cakewalk of a job, doesn't realize how lucky she is that it's the easiest job around, and still can't handle it. She's been doing this job for over a year now and you'd think she would have the hang of it. Nope. So her boss has been coming down on her to shut up, sit down and do her job. Of course, she's not having any of that and has been throwing shit right back at her boss. This has been going on for a couple of months, but this week, the shit hit the fan. Yelling matches, going to higher bosses, storming out and not coming back, screaming "You're a liar" over cubicle walls at each other. You name it, it's happened. Everything except for punches being thrown, which almost happened. Almost. I'm very anxious for Monday to see what's going to happen once they've both had a few days to cool off.

Last night we went to see Kathy Griffin. I fucking adore her. It was a great show and I laughed my ass off.

And here's my new Batgirl action figure. Isn't she pretty?


Snuck Away

I had every intention of posting something tonight. Not happening now. I snuck away from company. I need to go back now. Ack!



It's Sunday, it's weigh in day. I was 196 this morning. I should be pleased, but I'm not. Who am I kidding. I'm never pleased. I'm hard on myself. On Friday morning, I was 192.5 pounds. I weighed myself 3 times to make sure I was reading the scale correctly. And then I jumped to 199 on Saturday and 196 today. I don't know what the erraticness of the numbers is all about. I'm usually pretty stable. I'm a little less than last week, so I do take some solace in that. But I'm not where I want to be and I don't know why I've stalled. All I can tell you is it's pissing me off. I have a goal in my head and I'm not there yet. I should be pleased that I'm maintaining my sub-200 weight, but when I see something over that number, usually at bedtime, I get upset. I need to chill out about this.

I also need to chill a little bit in the walking department. I walked 10 miles on Friday, 6 miles on Saturday and 8 miles today. I'm starting to get a pain in my left butt cheek and I'm sure all the extra walking isn't helping. I'm thinking it may be a pinched nerve or something. It's not crippling pain, but it does annoy me from time to time. If it keeps up, I'm going to have to make a doctor's appointment, which I don't want to do. I have to call the dentist tomorrow as it is to see if they can fit me in sometime this week. One of my molars is starting to hurt and it feels like my filling has been wearing away. It'll be an easy fix, but I hate it. My bottom teeth are hard to numb up and naturally that's where the hurting tooth is.

I need a vacation. I need one badly. I may feel differently tomorrow, but right this second, I need one. We started talking about the possibility of going back to Disney in the fall. Still trying to see if the funds will be there or not. We're making huge strides in our battle to get out of debt. It's possible that in about two years, we will be completely out of debt. Well, the type of debt that most of us are drowning in. All the credit cards will be paid off. We'll still have the normal debt that people are expected to have... mortgage, car payment, etc. But both cars should be paid off by then, too. Just the thought of being out of debt is really exciting for me. We've never been there. I've been in credit card hell since I got my first card years ago. Ken's been there, too. I'm supposed to review the spreadsheet Ken put together about the possible cost of a vacation and see if we can swing it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Here are some fat pics of me.


Half Way Through

I took Friday off, so I have a three day weekend. I love those. For some reason, though, they never go as I imagine them. Let's take Friday. I hoped to get all my chores done so I'd have the weekend for lazing around. I managed to get a nice long walk in and get all the laundry done. But Ken needed me to come to his office to sign some papers for the home equity loan we're doing. I was only supposed to pop in to sign them and then I'd be excused. You need to know that never happens, so why should it happen this time. It took forever for him to get the papers together, then I was brought around to say "hello" to everyone. After an hour or so, it was done and then we had to go out to lunch (even though I was going to eat at home). By the time lunch was done, so was my afternoon. Bah.

Today I woke up at the crack of dawn and then forced myself up so I could do my walk. I walked for over an hour and a half. I get home and I'm exhausted for that and lack of sleep. Ken was just waking up and said he needed to make a short trip to the nursery, was I interested in going with him. Since I was exhausted, I wasn't in my right mind and I said I would only if I could shower first. The short trip to the nursery ended up being a trip to the vet to pick up food for Lucy, a trip to the nursery, a trip to Lowe's, another stop at Lowe's and an aborted trip to another nursery. My morning is now officially gone. I got home, climbed on the couch and fell asleep... until I hear someone screaming Ken's name. His boss showed up at the house and needed to borrow is swiper ID to get into work. She forgot her ID and needed something from her desk. So now I'm awake, I'm cranky (me cranky? Nooooooooo) and it's 4:30. Two days shot straight to hell. Oh, and today was supposed to be my day. Ken told me last night he was going in to work today to catch up. I asked him why he felt the need to tell me that when he knew damn well it wasn't going to happen. He frequently tells me he's going in to work over the weekend, so I prepare in my head what I'm going to do and it never happens. Okay, that's not true. Ninety percent of the time it never happens.

I don't know how he can live with me. I'm such a cranky, passive aggressive son of a bitch.



Yeah, That's A Dumb Ass Idea

So, I was going to walk home from work tonight. I knew it was warm out, but I thought I was going to die when I walked out of the building. Luckily a co-worker was leaving at the same time and offered me a ride. I took it. Why? Here's a screenprint of my desktop, right now. The temp is in the upper right hand corner. (And don't mock my wallpaper... I'll hurt you if you do.)



So my weigh in was disastrous this morning. I don't get it. I got up bright and early and did a six mile walk. I walk every Sunday morning before the weigh in, knowing every little bit helps. Got home, sat for a few and then headed for the shower. And that's when I was 197. Keep in mind there wasn't a single morning last week when I was over 194. I don't get it. I didn't do anything crazy food-wise. My body is punishing me for something and I don't quite know what it is. I was feeling pretty pathetic this afternoon so despite it being 90 degrees out and ultra humid, I went on another 6 miles walk. And then I topped it off with the left over Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough cheesecake I got last night at Cheesecake Factory. As much as I shouldn't let this get me down, it really has kicked my ass. I've had gains before, but I knew what the reasons were for them. This is out of the blue. I'll be back down in a day or so, so I shouldn't worry. But why did this happen on weigh in day?

Just prior to going out on my walk this morning (around 7am), I was answering a text message from Holly from last night. And then she texted me right back and we shot back and forth until I couldn't walk and text at the same time. So then she called me. My suck ass cell phone isn't very good because about 1/3 of the conversation sounded pretty muffled, but I could make out most of what she was saying. She's having a ball in the Orlandos this weekend. I'm sorry I couldn't go this time. And I want to punch Ken in the throat for constantly bringing up to people that everyone was in Florida this weekend and I refused to go, even though he wanted me to. Wha...? I "refused" to go because I didn't have the money for the trip. I didn't realize that was the definition of "refusing." Whenever I would respond to him that I wasn't going because we didn't have the extra money, he would shut up. He brought it up again last night out at dinner with his friends. I know the difference between being fiscally responsible and living way above our means.

It's hotter than shit here right now. Second straight day of temps in the 90s. Tomorrow is going to be 94, the warmest day yet. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't as humid as it is right now. The air is so thick. It made my second walk of the day not so pleasant. I think tomorrow is my first day off from walking in a while.

Oh, speaking of which, I've started to notice some body changes recently. All this walking is paying off. While I haven't seen a reduction in my weight, I have noticed that all my new shorts are getting pretty loose. I'm to the point where if I don't wear a belt with them, they fall down. I just bought these suckers, too. And I'm starting to feel muscles in parts of my legs that I didn't know muscles existed. I'm building more muscle mass and that makes me happy. Oh, and I'm starting to notice bulging veins in my arms. That makes me happy.

I have the air blasting in the bedroom right now. I'm about to go lie down and read in the cool comfort of that room. I probably should get to bed early tonight. I was up really early and walked 12 miles today in between errands and chores. Ken accused me of being crabby (which I am) and taking it out on him (which I'm not, at least consciously).



I can't believe the weekend is half over already. Today was such a good day, I just wish I wasn't ready for bed. For such a non-productive day, I feel like I got a lot done. Pulled the air conditioners out of the attic. Needed them pretty badly. The temp broke 90 degrees today and my house gets hot. We only have them in our offices and the bedroom, but that's all we need. I cleaned off my desk today. This is something that has been needed for weeks. There was no room for anything because of all the shit I had piled all over it. Now I have surfaces again. I still need to file away a stack of statements and other paperwork, but for now, I can see my desk again.

We went out to dinner with a work friend of Ken's and his partner tonight. I hate social situations where I don't know the people because I clam up and don't speak much. I did better than usual tonight, but there is still plenty of room for improvement. We're going to see Kathy Griffin in a couple of weeks with them, so I guess this was a good thing, right?

I've been checking in periodically today at the Gay Days website. Many of my friends from the podcasting community have descended on Walt Disney World and I couldn't go. I'm envious of the ones who could go. Just didn't have the money for it this year. I'm enjoying all the pictures that have been posted so far. If I can't be there, at least I can enjoy the fun everyone is having.

I'm anxious for tomorrow's weigh in. For the last seven days, I've weighed in each morning at 194 point something. I've been as high as 194.9 and as low as 194.0. I'm hoping I'm still in the zone tomorrow and my visit to the Cheesecake Factory didn't hurt me tonight. I only ate three bites of my cheesecake and put it in the refrigerator for tomorrow. So I should show a good number. :fingers crossed:



G/W/M 28, 6ft3, 225lbs., loves music, diners, Lynda Barry, long walks. Straight acting/looking. Seeks similar G/W/M for monogamous relationship. Send written reply to: Metroland Box M3420

Fourteen years ago, that ad ran in the Metroland, a local free weekly. It was the first (and only) time I'd ever place a personal ad. I'm not the type to do that, but something in me said to do it, if only to see what kinds of responses I would get. I didn't get too many, but one that I did get was from Ken. Like me, he wasn't the type to do the whole personal ad thing, but he did. Today is our 14th anniversary. That's a long fucking time. Happy Anniversary, friend. I love you.


Every Day In May - Day Thirty-Two

Huh, what? May only has thirty-one days in it? Oh, then my title is incorrect, isn't it? Thank God May is over, that's all I'm saying.

So, what did I want to talk about? Well, it's Sunday, so it's my weigh in. I was 194 again this week, which is good considering my adventures into all things baked this week. I don't think I mentioned but the day before Rosey brought in all the deliciousness, we had a promotion party for someone which included muffins, pastries, donuts and the like. I mostly behaved, but I was tempted all day long to eat more. I've pissed and moaned about this before, but I really, really want to see 190 and it's sooooo slow going right now. I know I'll get there eventually, but I want it now.

I've been doing a tremendous amount of walking lately. This weekend alone I walked about 20 miles. Yesterday I did a 6 mile walk and then a 4 mile walk. I did the same thing today, even though after my morning walk, I decided that was it for the day. I think I'm going to cut back a little. I walk every day and it's getting to be where it's no longer fun. It's becoming an obsession, but not a healthy one. Walking home from work during the week is still fun, but it's when I have all this extra weekend time that it's becoming something else.

I broke down today at the supermarket and bought a half gallon of ice cream. Last weekend I stood in the aisle for ten minutes debating whether or not it was a good idea. I ended up with none and felt good about my decision. This week, the debate lasted about 45 seconds and the ice cream won! It was Edy's No Sugar Added ice cream, so it could have been worse. I had some after dinner tonight and it was as if I'd never had ice cream before in my life. I'm so lame.

One of the things I intended on having today was a soda. I was craving it bad. I've now gone 8 full months without even a sip of soda. I can't believe I've made it this far. The only reason I haven't had any in the last couple months is I'm still having this contest with myself. It sounds silly in my head, though. Maybe tomorrow I'll go down to the store in my building's lobby and get one. We'll see if I'm still in the mood.

Below are a few pictures my friend Lori took last weekend when we were at her house. We (well, by we, I mean Ken) helped put together a shit load of closets from IKEA.

Lunch break (pictured: me, Ken, Lynn)

Look at me help hold down that board.

Look! Over there!


Pretending I'm helping.

Oh, and I know this is terrible, but I freak out a little still when I see current pictures of myself. Why? Because when I think of myself, this is what I see in my head. I know that one day this self-image will go away, but it won't be soon enough if you ask me.

Okay, the new Password show starts tonight and I'm all gung ho to watch it. Hope it doesn't suck!