Here we go with just another random post about not much of anything.  It's clear I just haven't had the time (nor the inclination, if you wanna know the truth) to do up a proper post since last week.

So, what's new with me?  Well, I'm in the midst of another dental procedure gone horribly awry.  Last Wednesday I went in to get a new crown started and I've been in pain ever since.  I left work for a while this morning to go to the dentist to have him fiddle around and try to get me back on track.  I hurt like hell right now, but it seems like I'm able to chew on that tooth again, though all I've chewed so far is salad.  I need to eat something a little harder and see how that goes.  Dental procedures never seem to go well for me.  This is my fourth crown and the fourth time there's been issues with a tooth being crowned.  I'm nothing if I'm not consistent.

I look at teemagnet.com every day.  It's probably not a good thing.  The site collects the offerings of 8 t-shirt of the day sites on one easy website.  Right now I have four different shirts in transit.  Like I need more t-shirts.  But dammit, I deserve them.  The entire time I was obese, I didn't fit into fun shirts like these and I vowed that when I was a human size again, I would treat myself big time.  I've got a Hitchhikers Guide shirt, two Doctor Who shirts and an Arrested Development one coming.  I can't wait!

Speaking of being human sized again, I'm still having trouble reconciling the number I see on the scale with how my body feels and how my clothes fit.  The number has been higher than I like, but my pants are getting a little looser again.  I've been in the high 190s, but my clothes are fitting like they do when I'm in the high 180s.  It's all because I'm doing more than just plain old cardio now.  I've been pretty faithful to the weight machines and it's definitely changing my body.  I know I've said before that my arms aren't significantly bigger than before, but I definitely feel a big difference in them.  I find myself constantly feeling my arms.  They're bigger and they're getting stronger.  And I'm starting to notice changes in my chest.  And the more I notice, the more I want to work those areas of my body.  I'm so mad at myself that I waited until I was well into middle age before I started to do this.  But otherwise, I fucking rock!

This weekend we got together with friends for one last Game Night before Wedding.  I had so much fun.  But I also ate meat.  I've been really good with avoiding meat.  In all of April, I only ate meat once and I didn't miss it.  This weekend we got pizza and the chicken and garlic one looked so good, I really wanted it.  And I keep needing to remind myself that I'm not a vegetarian, so it's okay to have a little meat now and again.  My entire goal is to just reduce the meat intake, which I've done.  But I still can't forget where meat comes from and that's where my problem is.  It's been seriously freaking me out when I think about my meals being slaughtered.  I don't know why this has happened after 45 years, but I'm not upset that it has.

I'm apparently the Anti-Christ.  To put it bluntly, calling someone out for their bullshit, self-centered greediness and attention whoring makes me that, I guess.  So be it.  I'm proud of it, actually.  You know, losing my Mom last year changed me (for the better, I think).  I don't have time for bullshit anymore and I'm getting less afraid to say something about it.

And on a related matter, I've been having this awesome runs of great self-esteem lately.  I really don't know why exactly, and to be honest, it's been a little tough to handle.  I'm always so down on myself, it's kind of become who I am.  But lately I look in the mirror and I like the person who is staring back at me.  Half the time I think he's quite handsome, even.  I really don't know who I am anymore, but in such a great way.

I'm so wishing Wedding was here already.  I'm so anxious to get this party started.  I'm super-thrilled to see my friends.  I'm really excited to be just as miserable as all my other married friends.  Bring it on!