This is the song that has been playing constantly through my head for the last four weeks. It's probably one of the most heartbreaking songs I know. And it hit way too close to home for me.
September 2011 has not been a good month. In fact, I would go as far as saying it was the single worst month of my life.
I was at work on Friday September 2 when I got a message from my sister that our mother was just taken to the hospital via ambulance. She'd been having back issues for the last month or two. She'd been out of work because of it for the last month and was scheduled to go back to her doctor for a follow up that afternoon. But the pain was so bad that she couldn't move. Dad called the ambulance and off she went. I called Ken and he said he'd come pick me up from work and we'd make the drive down to see Mom.
We got to the ER to find Mom in a bed with three broken bones in her back. But that was the least of her problems. She had broken bones, she had elevated calcium levels in her system and she had undiagnosed stage four breast cancer. Her doctor was hopeful that giving her chemotherapy would help give her a few more quality years. Unfortunately, she only managed to make it through one round of chemo. The cancer had spread too much and she just didn't have enough fight left in her.
Wednesday morning I was again sitting at work when I got the call that we needed to get to the hospital. I called Ken, he picked me up and we got there as fast as we could. I knew this day was inevitable, but I didn't think it would come so soon. Mom was surrounded by her loved ones when she passed away. She was 67. Far too young.
We're having a small service for her on Sunday. She wouldn't have wanted anything else. Hell, she probably wouldn't even have wanted that, but she's getting one.
The last month has been awful. I've been burning the candle at all ends. My days would start early with work, get home to feed the cats and then make the drive to Kingston (about an hour) to spend a couple hours with Mom and then back home to bed. And repeat. As awful as this has all been, it's given me a chance to reconnect with my aunt and cousins who live in Connecticut. Time and distance have gotten in between our lives. Hopefully we can avoid letting that happen again.
This was supposed to be the happiest weekend of my life. Until last weekend, Ken and I were still scheduled to get married this weekend. Instead, we'll be saying goodbye to Mom.
I miss my Mom.
I like writing about my life here. I don't lead a very interesting life, but I like writing about what I'm up to and what I'm doing. I don't really do it for anyone but myself. If you happen to read this dreck, I apologize for those minutes you will never get back.
Anyway, there's been some pretty heavy shit going on in my life lately. It's really taken all the wind out of my sails and I just haven't had any desire to communicate with people, be it in person, via email or even blogging. I don't know if or when there's going to be an end in sight for all this, but until things start working themselves out, I'm probably going to take a little breather from here. I'm sure I'll pop in from time to time to talk about stupid shit (like the new 52 title from DC Comics...), but it's hard enough to think right now as it is.
Just wanted to give you dear readers a heads up.
I have a specific playlist I listen to while I'm working out. There are a few hundred songs on the list and I'm constantly adding and subtracting songs to and from it. I always listen in shuffle mode to keep it fresh. These are the songs I heard tonight while I was sweating my balls off on the elliptical. Most are the official videos, but not all.