There are many things floating around in my head that I want to write something about. Most of them will be gone before I get around to it. I'm just glad I found a little time for this post before it's forgotten. Weddings. The topic is still semi-fresh in my head, so hopefully I can get something down here that makes some sort of sense.
Let's be honest. First and foremost, no one really likes a wedding. It's true. Sure, people love a party, but with a wedding, there's a lot you have to get through before you get to the party part. I've been to all sorts of weddings, as anyone who might be reading this has. And I've gotten to the age where all my single friends are either now married (and have been for a long ass time) or are never getting married. I figured I was now off the hook for the rest of my days. But then a funny thing happened. Marriage equality. Slowly but surely, spreading across the country, homos are being allowed to legally marry. And it really makes me happy. I've actually never been happier to go to weddings in my life. Going to a gay wedding fills me with way more emotion than any straight wedding ever has. Probably because I know the two people exchanging vows never thought that this would be a reality. I know I knew it would never be possible for me (and I was wrong).
It seems to me that there are three types of weddings people have, no matter if they're gay or straight. There's (a) not quite the wedding you want because of obligation (b) not quite the wedding you want because of circumstance and (c) exactly what you want. I was lucky enough to have exactly the wedding of my dreams. A simple affair with only my very closest friends present. Family wasn't invited for a variety of reasons and I have no regrets about it whatsoever. Family was, for the most part, the reason family wasn't invited, if you know what I mean. Afterwards, we had a party at my house and invited over even more friends. I think it was the best of both worlds.
A little over a week ago, I got to attend the wedding of one of my best friends in the entire universe. I'm not claiming to speak for him, but if I had to classify his wedding, I'd call it (b) not quite the wedding he wanted due to circumstance. He and his husband are from Texas, a non-marriage equality state. On their recent trip to New York they decided to elope. New York has no residency restriction so they were free to get hitched provided they got a license and waited out the 24 hour waiting period. Because it was an elopement, they weren't able to have everyone they wanted present. They've got one of the greatest stable of friends and family I've ever come across. They did, however, find some of these people drop everything and fly to New York to crash the event. And I bet if they were able, even more would have done the same. There will be a proper celebration in December for everyone, but I know that if they could, they would have much preferred to do this at home.
The other type of wedding I mentioned is the type that pisses me off. The obligation wedding. I hate them. The people getting married seem to have little say in what's going on. The entire extended family HAS to be invited, even if the couple hasn't seen any of them in 38 years. The bride's mother HAS to have her entire office come. I've been invited to the wedding of the children of Ken's co-workers before. It's just awkward and there's no reason for it. In my mind, the wedding is supposed to be about the people getting married, not their parents, not their relatives, not their best friends, not their plumber. Just because the bride's mother couldn't have the wedding she wanted is no reason for her to finally have it, at her child's expense.
As more and more states sign on for marriage equality, I find that I'm getting more and more excited for my friends all over the country and look forward to comparing their crap-ass weddings to my ultimate celebration!